C.A. Pinkham

I write stuff. Bylines @Thrillist, @JewishCurrents, @Jezebel, @fanbytemedia, @thedailymeal, @fanbuzz. [email protected]

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

Look I’m not happy I’m like this either

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@Ryan_Parkerrr lol

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@meowingabyss @FullAsMuchHeart There’s a grocery store cashier who has been grumpy and depressed for the four years I’ve been going there who loses it every time she sees my kid

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@MeathGuerilla @BttrDeadThnRed There’s like 8 tornado ones but it’s the only Superman one

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@MeathGuerilla @BttrDeadThnRed It’s the Superman one

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@StephenM Notice how your forehead is trying to escape from your body

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

Brits really do not get to bag on Americans’ knowledge of where Slovenia is any longer

[Andy Southwood @500greatalbums]

This is the first FIFA World Cup where I’ve never heard of some of the countries taking part. #WorldCup

[Vik von Lustig 🇺🇸 @realcountlustig]

This is very weird. I have been assured by euros that there is no heat like European heat

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@rdldn2026 LOL oh god you’re implying a country that only has 50% white people is a bad thing

Buddy I’d like it if there were half that

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@rdldn2026 What

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

How old were you when you figured out peekaboo didn’t involve someone literally vanishing

[Brandi Kruse @BrandiKruse]

I was an intern at @CBSNews when Pelley would fill in for Katie Couric on the evening news. I watched in the control room one day as he directed them to slowly push the shot in on him as he took his glasses off. It was so fake I’ve remembered it for 15 years.

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@thereisnojayjay She don’t miss

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@WilliamTho75474 @Stephen_Fremel @MeadNMoonshine @transjewtalian Considering the number of crimes Britain has committed historically against nonwhite people it wouldn’t shock me

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

It also could be that they seem to see us as an extension of the British which, *kind of*, but they’re not nearly as hostile to Canadians or Australians and those apples fell much closer to the tree in a lot of ways

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

Honestly, the Europeans who irritate me the most online are the Irish purely because they tend to come in *extremely* hot, there seems to be a weird assumption on their part that Americans automatically agree with what our government is doing

[Northodox @unifiedprolife]

When Americans interact with Japanese on X: 🥰😍

When Americans interact with Europeans on X: 🤬🔪

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

This is despite less than 30% of the adult population voting for Trump in 2024

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

Ok to be fair I absolutely wear pajama pants as much as I can possibly get away with

[nazzo @nazzobetweeting]

americans don’t wear pajama pants 24/7, you made this up 🩷

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@salingergregor I mean it’s legitimately one of the prettiest places on the planet it’s just cold as fuck

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@frogs4girls Thank you I was unreasonably proud of it

[C.A. Pinkham @EyePatchGuy]

@JohnUmphress @jimstewartson Yes he was