🥄🧃

ed/bpd diary ⋆ 24 ⋆ click link to enter confessions: 🪩

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

really want to get skinny really struggling mentally and really sad my body is the way it is

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

back on a weightloss journey 😛 whats the best workouts to lose the fastest lmk.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

theres a movie i watch where the grandma goes “i cant wait to see my butterball” and the mom says shes not that anymore bc she doesn’t let her eat sugar anymore and i think about that a lot

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

really going to try to make my 2025 be the best year ever. I am going to be amazing and amazing things will happen for me.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

also maybe telling someone to throw up is weird but bffr if you’re too drunk u have two options to feel better and thats either falling asleep or throwing up the alcohol you drank. He chugged three 16oz margaritas in like 15 minutes. dont ppl call it pulling trig or smth? Idk

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

told a coworker months ago about how i was in a hospital for a couple months recovering from an ed, today he had a couple drinks after his shift & was feeling sick. i told him maybe he should 🤢 so he could be safe to drive. he responded with. “im not you” 😦

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

i told him that in confidence, my eedee is not something i go around telling people about. he asked and i told him my story, and yes he might’ve been a lil intoxicated but I literally cried it was so embarrassing.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

im gonna try to stop, and ive done it before so i know i can. but its just such a scary feeling.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

feeling like im turning back to alc for comfort and im worried itll get out of control if i dont stop myself

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

ive been drinking after my gf goes to bed like 3-4 times a week and its so scary, i had a time in my life two years ago where i would blackout every single day. and im not blacking out, im barely getting drunk but the secret drinking feels out of control.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

i have so many aura loss moments in regards to me eedee bc when i was super delulu and sick i did the dumbest stuff ever… even just a small example would be when i chewed and spit at a family party bc i was super drunk and had no shame because i was STARVED AND BLACKED OUT.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

clip from fav eedee movie again.. in this part shes buying her binge food. but look at her side profile god why not me god why

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

when i was in ed res treatment i had a journal i wrote in that i formatted as a book i wanted to edit and post one day. i still have the journal and dont rlly look in it at all :/

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

@musesiq thank u so much ❤️❤️❤️

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

ended up breaking my 42 days of purging streak and since then ive done it like 5 times in a week i think… truly so depressing i was so proud of my progress now i feel like ive gone completely backwards.

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

@manekineko1999 is this not what OP said?? lol

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

when i was in res im p sure they made us eat THOUSANDS of calories. the more u eat, the more u gain, the faster u can leave. its honestly sad.

[vivi ʕ ᵔᴥᵔ ʔ @vivianaang3l]

i saw this girl post about her recovery and she said that in the hospital they forced her to eat 4,100 calories daily 😨

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

i miss being at my LW i think about it everyday

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

not purging anymore and i thought id get super fat but i think im actually losing weight?

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

forgot which one of them was forced in to res and im curious what that felt like. one of them had a whole army of eedee girls idolizing her and she’d send out secret messages to them by doing certain shit in the paparazzi pics like WHAT

[🥄🧃 @fa1rycal]

sometimes i wish i was mary k@te & ashley in the early 2000s going thru my eedee. their lore is crazy.