FAT AMY

The names Fat Amy. I call myself that so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back. *Parody account*

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

the awkward moment when no one gives a shit

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

instead of sending people to prison we should just make them eat the little stringy things off bananas

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

That awkward moment when the cowboys are actually better without Tony Romo

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

summer 👏 needs 👏 to 👏 slow 👏 down 👏

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

me trying to end a conversation: haha cool

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

North West...what's next?

Brad Pitt naming his child Arm?

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

F is for friends who don’t talk to you.
U is for Ur alone.
N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

I spent my entire childhood wishing I was older.
Now I'm older... and it sucks.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Can we restart Summer?

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Teacher: "How can we keep our school clean?"
Student: "By staying at home."

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Grocery stores stack their product by sell-by date, which means the oldest food's in the front. Grab the fresh food in the back!

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

The reason women don't have loud farts is because they don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up adequate pressure.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Accidentally typing what you heard <

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Dimples automatically make you 10x cuter 😉

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

I would talk about my dick, But that would be a long storrrry.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

car rides without music = awkward.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

School for 12 years, college for 4 years, then you work until you die. Cool.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

Stop complaining about being single. We have bigger problems here. Like why McDonald's doesn't serve breakfast after 10:30.

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

When your phone battery is at 1% and your running to the phone charger like "STAY WITH ME BUDDY!! DAMMIT WE'RE LOSING HIM!!"

[FAT AMY @faatamy]

When something funny happens i can guarantee you im that one friend who keeps laughing even though everyone else stopped 10 minutes ago.