Fake Jimmy Haslam

Owner, Cleveland Browns. CEO, Pilot Flying J, where I oversee truck stop development and beef jerky seasoning. [parody account]

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

the hardest part about interviewing head coach candidates for the Browns is finding people who haven’t already been head coach of the Browns

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Who should be the next Browns coach?

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Browns fans at the beginning of 2018
Browns fans at the end of 2018

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

That was a fun season.
Now I just have one question: does anybody know which insurance company Vince Lombardi’s grandson Joe Lombardi uses?

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Cleveland, we’re witnessing the birth of Browns greatness:

Greg Joseph has made two field goals and two extra points.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

So remember kids: don’t smoke weed, or you’ll end up on the best team in the NFL.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

There’s only one person to blame for that loss: Art Modell.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Cmon guys I was kidding

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Browns trail 18-12 with 2:40 left in the 4th. Huge opportunity. Just a TD and a missed extra point away from another tie.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Browns trail 18-12 with 2:40 left in the 4th. Huge opportunity. Just a TD and a missed extra point away from another tie.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Hey @AZCardinals we’ll trade you Josh Gordon for Phil Dawson, straight up.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Score is even at 3-3. Time to bleed clock and play for the tie. 0-0-2 here we come.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

The Browns tie ONE game and they’re like, “Take a hike Josh, we got it under control.”

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

So when’s the parade?

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

BROWNS BEAT STEELERS 21-21!

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

The Cavs will be fine — in 5 years they can just draft LeBron Jr.

[Randalltime @RandallTime]

If the Cleveland Cavaliers win the 2018 NBA finals I’ll buy everyone who retweet’s this a jersey...

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

You know it’s a bad night for Cleveland sports when you find yourself wondering, “When does the Browns season start?”

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

The Browns needed LeBron to run out and block that pick.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Congrats to Joe Thomas on his retirement. He played over 10,000 consecutive snaps for the Browns. And during that streak, the team got one 1st down.

[Fake Jimmy Haslam @FakeHaslam]

Pretty sure John Dorsey is all of us playing Madden in Franchise Mode. Soon the Browns will also have a 6’ 9” 330 pound RB with 99 speed named John Dorsey.