Jake Paralta

I run on coffee, sarcasm and inappropriate thoughts

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

People born in the 90s who are still unmarried need special protection from relatives.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

I found $20 in a parking lot and thought to myself, What Would Jesus Do?

So, I turned it into wine.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Men don't fake depression, they falke being
alright.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Elon musk's stepsister gave birth to Elon musk’s step sister.

And we thought Indian joint family structures are complex.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Last year, I put my son's entire college fund in Ethereum

I purchased YouTube Premium with the remaining funds so he can just learn everything online

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Watching my crypto investment right now🥺
#Cryptocrash #cryptocurrency #shiba #Lunacrash

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

What is your darkest desire?

I wanna stare at someone from across the street then disappear whena bus passes

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

I tried to improve my social empathy and show
consideration, by holding doors open for the ladies.

But apparently chivalry is NOT appreciated in the women's restroom.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering.

99 of them asked how I got in there, and demanded that I leave.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

I wanna marry someone as funny as me. Imagine laughing cause we both forgot to pick the kids from school

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Me spending the last 50 cents to my name buying the dip today.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Another beautiful day without using sin cos or tan

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Just Elon Musk things😅😂
#ElonMuskBuyTwitter #ElonMuskTwitter
#ElonMuskBuyTwitter #TwitterTakeover

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

The beautiful thing about twitter is it allows me to make fun of people who are more successful than I will ever be

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

When I left my job in 2020 to go full time in crypto my boss laughed at me.

Now two years later when I turned up to ask for my job back he laughed at me again.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Last year I drove a 23 year old Toyota truck.

After 12+ months of being in this space, I now drive a 24 year old Toyota truck.

Thanks NFTs.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

If she's single, it's 1vs20....If she's taken it's 1vs1. Work smart not hard

Bible misogyny 26:15

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

At this age, your account has been credited with XXXXX gives more happiness than
baby I love you'.

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

I am everyone's friend but never the BEST FRIEND. I Wasn't anyone's favourite. I can be an option but never become a person's choice. I was a choice, yes, but never the one that's chosen. I know when everyone has to make a choice between me & another person, no one will choose me

[Jake Paralta @fakeparalta]

Either people above 30 are getting married or below 25. The 25-30 ones are serving the notice period.