Dean

Shanking fangirls and bitchfacing the paparazzi since '08.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Kicking ass and taking names. I love my job!

[Dean @FakerDean]

I missed this.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Going to be auditioning for WWE since it seems @FakerRPattz can handle himself without me now. I'm not bitter.. or sad. Not at all.

[Dean @FakerDean]

So sorry, @FakeManagerNick. Been busy trying to convince Mrs. D we have to adopt Martin. It's the only way I'll see @FakerRPattz more.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Is everybody loving my new shoes? They were my Christmas present from @FakerRPattz. He has a secret deal with Nike... don't tell. Shhhhhh

[Dean @FakerDean]

Kristen got me the best Christmas present. She said it was part of her relaxation technique; it actually just makes me hungry & sleepy.

[Dean @FakerDean]

People are correct in saying I know all of @FakerRPattz's secrets. I know the BIG secret too - he doesn't change his socks everyday.

[Dean @FakerDean]

I blame John for the waterfall security breif - I mean BREACH - @FakerRPattz. @FakerKStew should have better control over her bodyguard.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Finally getting use out of being around Kristen's bitchface all the time! I looked like a pitbull on the prowl on that boat! #fuckwithme!

[Dean @FakerDean]

SRS BSNS. This is how you get shit done people! Feel free to use this video for future training. http://is.gd/gNdRd

[Dean @FakerDean]

Security Update: @FakerRPattz is balled up in the corner asking what a "Robsten" is and why people are outside screaming it.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Also, @FakerRPattz has fallen asleep on my shoulder, complete w/ drooling. It's awkward and not pretty.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Delta has the WORST leg room; I'm splitting in half! @FakerKStew keeps giving me bitchface b/c my knees are in her back. I'm not sorry.

[Dean @FakerDean]

Sorry @FakerRPattz, you're on your own with that one. I'm not touching that with a 10ft. pole.

[Dean @FakerDean]

No @FakerRPattz, I won't take the training wheels off! Now get off the ground and stop flailing about!

[Dean @FakerDean]

So nice to see @AshleyMGreene again. Don't tell Mrs. D though.

[Dean @FakerDean]

I'm baaaaaack!! Time to get down to business! http://bit.ly/ayAPTn

[Dean @FakerDean]

@FakerRPattz I miss you. Come to dinner soon, okay? Mrs. D insists.

[Dean @FakerDean]

@FakerRPattz Miss me?! You abandoned me for @faketomstu, @samueltwitt1 and @FakeStephanieR. I see your true colors! They're rainbow bright!

[Dean @FakerDean]

How could you do this to me, Robert?! I thought, I mean, you and I... I THOUGHT IT WAS REAL WHAT WE HAD!