Robert Pattinson

I like Heineken. And beards. And Tom. And giving piggyback rides. To Tom.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Can I come out of hiding now? How much longer do I have to pretend to be upset? I'm hungry & all Reese has is granola! @FakeManagerNick

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

@FakeManagerNick Only if @FakerDean wears a red tie and @FakeStephanieR wears something red and lacey. Make it happen Frenkel!

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

@FakeManagerNick Might I suggest red leather?

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

@FakeStephanieR I love you. Don't tell @fakerdean. He hates when I drink, says I get out of hand.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

So distraught I am no longer speaking or spelling properly. I want to go home. @FakeStephanieR, I'll be in the corner of our room waiting...

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

I don't knowwww! Who am I?! Am u Edward? And I Jacob? Am I Rob or Tom? Curling into fetal position in 3... 2... 1...

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Not sure where I am or what I'm doing, but @FakeManagerNick says we're in Europe. @FakeStephanieR said Summit couldn't get to me here #wrong

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Kristen's been singing all morning. "I was gonna go to work, but then I got high. ...b/c I got high, b/c I got high, b/c I got high." #help

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Successful weekend in LA and Las Vegas, next up New York City y'all! #yeehaw #imissReese

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Planning Vegas trip w Tom. He wants 2 go The Hangover route, I want 2 go Rainman. Either way it'll turn into the Griswald vacation #winning!

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

It was called "Rock Star From Mars", @mholshev.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

He stole it from me, #notwinning. RT @lightboxgallery: Jackson Rathbone from Twilight made up a song about Charlie Sheen called #winning.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Playing Shoots And Ladders with @FakerKStew. The score is like, a bazillion to zero. I'm #winning.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from mars, @FakeManagerNick!!

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

"I closed my eyes and made it so with my mind." ... I tried that too, @charliesheen. It didn't work when I wanted to make Hardwicke go away.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

.@FakerDean got me out of the pit, no #tigerblood needed much to my dismay. Still #winning.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Still waiting for rescue from this pit. All I keep thinking is "What would Charlie Sheen do?" #WINNING

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Also, if someone can send help? I'm still in the mud pit. This is Tom's thing, not so much mine.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

.@FakeStephanieR has advised me to say it wasn't she who beat me last night. It was @FakeManagerNick.

[Robert Pattinson @FakerRPattz]

Mum & Dad won't leave the hotel. Now they know how I feel - like a hunted animal. Never thought they would be dragged into it too.