Family Quote Book

The thing is, I was a dirtbag long before I met you.

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“Want some coke? It’s kinda flat so I added whiskey.”

#familyquotebook #whiskey #makesitbetter

[mart!na @yredfield_rb]

i cant even find the words to express how amazing this is #wednesdaynetflix

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“A daybed would be nice but I think we have more of a futon budget.”

#familyquotebook #daybed #futon #samediff

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“You ever seen someone eat peanut butter with a wide open mouth?”

#familyquotebook #um

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

Him: Looks like there’s a shindig at the cemetery.
Her: I think that’s just called a funeral.

#familyquotebook #funeral #shindig #samediff

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“My period app says it’s 9 days away, but based on my nipple sensitivity I’d say it’s closer.”

#familyquotebook #basedonmynipples #accurate

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“That’s because he was micro-dosing on water, he’s shadow-boxing his demons.”

#familyquotebook #microdosing

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I think I’m gonna be able to get glasses this week! The ones I want are 30 bucks, I’ve been eyeing them on my wish list like…oh day, baby.”

#familyquotebook #splurging #butlikeitsnottho #smh #workreform #rentistoodamnhigh

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I wouldn’t spritz one plant and not the other, I’m not a monster.”

#familyquotebook #plantbabies

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“That’s how it always starts, with the meat gorging.”

#familyquotebook #ohboy

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“You can use as little cheese as you want on your pizza and mine will be American.”

#familyquotebook #pizza

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“She’s got those big ass eyes and they always open!”

#familyquotebook #bigeyes #lookaway

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“They’re like gay goth shoegaze.”

#familyquotebook #theyhaveriffs #shoegaze #butgay #andgoth

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I don’t want any bad spirits on me. Nice spirits I’ll take. I could use a friendly ghost.”

#familyquotebook #friendlyghostsonly

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“What the fuck are you twerking with flapjacks?”

#familyquotebook #twerkin #ortryingtoanyway #flapjacks #newnickname

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I’ll never build a sex basement with you since you’ll apparently whore it out to everyone.”

#familyquotebook #sexroom #netflixgettinwildyall

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I’m kinda fried today honestly. It’s understandable though, I ate a bagel.”

#familyquotebook #bagel

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I told you I got into Desi music, they know how to make a fucking beat, okay.”

#familyquotebook #desimusic

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“I can’t wait to get a paycheck, imma get some pants and plants!”

#familyquotebook #adulthood #itsthelittlethings #thatnewjoboptimism

[Family Quote Book @famquotebook]

“It’s gonna come up so might as well get this out of the way, I got two old ladies.”

#familyquotebook #sir #thisisthefirsttimeweremeeting