Frontal Lobe Vomit

Open your mouth, and brace for excellence.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Rigor mortis makes me hard. #therightstuff

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

decided to drive down to the postoff to drop off my preop requalification forms while i was midop worried about a postop postoff life. #giveitback

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

@moshking ability to save an event to google calendar https://t.co/VgJuc7e66j

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

The word scumbucket is one letter away from being something very different.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Dating tip: Multiple concussions are much more memorable than multiple orgasms. #datingadvice #datingtips #relationshipadvice #justthetip

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

I'm prenatal but post-op. Oh to be young and postnatal but pre-op again!

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

"children on fire" yields unsatisfactory YouTube search results. #childrenonfire #theinternethasfailedme

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Woman of your dreams married? Find her husband. Skin him. Wear him. Love her 'till her end. End her sooner than later. #onesizefitsall

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Dating Tip: If you cant find the woman of your dreams, become her. #postop #happilyeverafter

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

How much can a gender bend before it breaks? Does it break or does it just crease and fold over like cardboard? I hate how cardboard smells.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Interaction is taxing beyond belief. Let us leave each other alone, please. The path to satisfaction is filled with much vomit & blood.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

I'd make a terrible wife. But I'd make the BEST daughter.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Sex with a dolphin might be exhilarating. Think about that low drag coefficient. Efficient motion is hot. Also, theyre ALWYS wet. Just sayin

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

The point of life is to take care of your butthole while trying to destroy everyone else's.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

What happens in your mouth, stays in your mouth.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

I wish I could change the color of my jizz. #seminalbeauty

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

If you're ever feeling down, sad, or alone, remember that YOU DESERVE IT!

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

@theOG_JayBee I was referring to your safety. Its one of my top concerns. But now, I am concerned about your level of understanding. #upset

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

@theOG_JayBee Then you're alright. But watch out for flash lube floods.

[Frontal Lobe Vomit @fantastical]

Next time youre at a family gathering look around and realize that nearly everyone there has had sex with the person they came with.#outcest