Far.Fetched8

Awkwardness is my jam. Shhh. Don’t make it weird.

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

I just waited 5 minutes for an elevator before realizing I never pushed the button. (In my defense, the other person waiting with me didn’t either.)

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

12:00 am NY Resolution: This year I’m going to be nicer.
12:02 am NY Resolution: Stop making impossible resolutions

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Why do people ask me if I did anything exciting during the weekend? What - like I’m over here running a marathon or going clubbing. Dude, I’m old and tired. I did laundry and took a nap. That’s what I did.

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

So apparently some people start one task and finish it instead of starting 50 other things, trying to do them like you’re a squirrel on speed, and then leave them unfinished while you drown your failure in a tub of ice cream and self loathing. … Huh. Interesting.

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Yeah. Dating for me nowadays. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Just wondering what wine pairs well with leftover Halloween candy. Any recs?

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

If my body is a temple, it’s one of those ruins that’s ancient, broken, and probably has something dark and scary living inside.

[Alabama Crimson Tide | AL.com @aldotcomTide]

Take a look back at Nick Saban through his 17 seasons with the Crimson Tide:

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

When I heard Nick Saban had officially retired. I don’t know how to feel anymore! #RollTide

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

@LairdOfTheManor Beauty and Grace personified!

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

@LairdOfTheManor Maxwell Caufield! #Grease2 #CoolRider

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

If anyone is feeling like crap today, just know that I just put on a SPANX-like top and had to cut myself out of it. 😂😩 #FluffyChickProblems

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

@mareejones

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

@LairdOfTheManor

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

@hrrysgreysuit

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

There are two types of people in this world: those who screenshot their payment confirmations and those who have no trust issues.

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Okay. Who isn’t fangirling over Sophia right now?

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Wow. The sorting hat ceremony got all fancy shmansy!

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

Jared Leto getting dressed by his stylists for tonight’s #MetGala

[Far.Fetched8 @far_fetched8]

That’s one way to pat the puss. 😂