farris

person, does things

[farris @farris1936]

Farris is cool

[farris @farris1936]

We need to abolish voicemail
Here’s the new system
You call because it’s someone’s bday (the only acceptable reason to call)
It rings 3 times, YOU hang up
Then you text them to let them know what you would’ve said had you caught them
They respond 3 months later
#Millennials #genz

[farris @farris1936]

It’s only bipolar if it’s from bipolè region of France. Otherwise it’s just sparkling insanity.

#mentalhealth #mentalillness #MentalHealthAwareness

[farris @farris1936]

Some of you clearly didn't spend your childhoods watching a TV show where jacked up freaks stood on top of pyramids shooting tennis balls at people, and it shows.

[farris @farris1936]

Get a tsunami Barrel today! #TikTok #TSUNAMI #GoogleIO #passport

[farris @farris1936]

How long until I get catfished by chatgpt?
#ai #chatgpt

[farris @farris1936]

@andyhullbone @starwars If your moisture vaporators are held together with duct tape.. you might be a redneck Jedi.

[farris @farris1936]

I’m writing a movie called “100% Rotten Tomatoes”
And
a book called “New York Times Bestselling”

[farris @farris1936]

So you mean to tell me a demon can make a bed fly around a room, slam doors, open drawers but can’t untie themselves from a bed?

[farris @farris1936]

@AOC But how could he know? He’s just an innocent little 70 yr old, he knows not what he says, you know, like a leader?

[farris @farris1936]

Spoiler Alert: The Colour Out of Space is purple

[farris @farris1936]

Why is it?
When I’m eating a chicken, I’m eating chicken BUT
When I’m eating a cow or deer, I’m eating beef or venison?

[farris @farris1936]

I was driving thru Montana last night and I hit something… I think it was a man but I didn’t stop, I just kept driving. Don’t tell anyone plz.

[farris @farris1936]

@elonmusk Imagine you and me were the only ones on mars and it would be so romantic and I would treat you sooooo good.

[farris @farris1936]

@elonmusk EVERYONE sees your tweets (promise), please don’t fire anyone else for giving you bad news.

[farris @farris1936]

@RonFilipkowski I know you’re not going to believe me but I swear to god she just climbed thru the screen and now haunts my attic.

[farris @farris1936]

@tedcruz Ted Cruz needs to dress more appropriately if he wants to be taken seriously at work. #tedcruzisaslut

[farris @farris1936]

@elonmusk You ok bro??

[farris @farris1936]

Best tweets this week.. #Twitter #TwitterTakeover #parodyaccount #elontwitter #ElonMuskBuyTwitter #definitelynotsatire #satire #funny #comedy

[farris @farris1936]

@jonmccurley123 I was just reading about people who went over Niagara falls in a barrel a hundred years ago, and apparently their motivation was to get rich and famous...

[Robert Reich @RBReich]

Memo to the media: Please don't say inflation is at a 40-year high without also mentioning that corporate profits are at a 70-year high. Give the people the full picture.