Bill “FartSteve” Collins

Hey man, you remember me? haha yea, you guys used to call me FartSteve back in college. man where did the time go

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

my dog bit a usps worker and they made us dye her blue

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

sometimes I tell fast food employees my wedding ring slipped off into the trash can and when they come over and start digging through the trash I say i have to go to the bathroom and then I just leave

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

@EnochsEgo @jack This is what they used to train it retard. It can run on your Macbook

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

got my pussy freeze dried at autozone

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

plugged my phone in at a gas station and it sucked out my last 13% and the lights were all brighter for a few min

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

I am entitled to all the elixirs in my girlfriend‘s shower

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

taking a couple big gulps of my coffee to pregame my trip to the bathroom

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

guessing the race of the person behind me on the subway watching tik tok at full volume and being ashamed and i turn around and im 100% right

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

i want a life size piñata of me at my funeral

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

@DreamyDiino how the hell are you getting pogo ads?

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

what’s the age of consent in international waters?

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

@trashh_dev tweeting the every monday and absolutely killing it. i see you trash, and i respect it

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

I had a dream where my parents woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me Mitch McConnell had died and I was devastated

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

@BudJohnson @EndWokeness Hey Bud 🤣🤣🤣 You’re what we in the industry call “retarded”. I wouldn’t look it up, I’m afraid the true meaning might shock you.

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

watching magic mike on the plane and shaking my head so the people around me don’t think i’m gay

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

Is it normal to feel like a completely different person after spending $25 at Popeyes

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

been trying this new peptide to pull beautiful women at the bar it’s called rohypnol

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

notice how Raymond said it’s a Pause? Never stop gambling.

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

Long Covid is the reason my wife of 14 years had an affair

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

the UV index just told me to kill myself

[Bill “FartSteve” Collins @fartdoublejump]

The 7-Eleven I’m at in New Jersey has a bidet