fartoncommand

matter of fact, it's all dark.

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@MuskTillDawn It me.

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Just saw the Will Smith slap. Anyone have a late night show I can borrow just for tomorrow?

[SEO Speedwagon @woodmuffin]

Well there's your problem: can't trust the infrastructure of a park that's got a dam made out of hot dogs!!

[Trixie Mattel™ @trixiemattel]

Exhausted from people thinking I'm Anya Taylor-Joy.

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@Stitcher this update is absolute horseshit.

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

It's not a real coup unless it's from the coup d'etat region of france otherwise it's just sparkling white terrorism

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@tedcruz As a person from Pittsburgh, I would just like to say - you are dumb.

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@AndyRichter Is this what you wanted

[Reeezy @MsReeezy]

Bernie dressed like the inauguration is on his to do list today but ain’t his whole day.

[Ed Stern is on BlueSky @EdStern]

Well that escalated steadily for four years.

[Chris Hayes @chrislhayes]

The president unleashed fascist thugs on the capitol to attempt a coup and they're...doing what he asked!

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@realDonaldTrump you're a fucking loser

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

I'm sure losing for the first time in your life at age 74 is very hard on a person.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Everyone who's tweeting, "I'm bored" -- this is SUPPOSED TO BE BORING. POLITICS SHOULD BE BORING, COMPETENT PEOPLE TAKING CARE OF SHIT SO YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE. IT SHOULDN'T GOBBLE UP ALL THE OXYGEN IN EXISTENCE. The fuck is wrong with everyone? #VPDebate

[RB 🫧 @rodb]

me voting for Biden in november

[Dana Schwartz - on hiatus @DanaSchwartzzz]

CARRIE: "You're not going to wear a mask?"
MR. BIG: "What? If I die, I die. That's life, toots."

[typing] Mr. Big refusing to wear a mask made me think about the masks he DID wear. What was he afraid of? I couldn't help but wonder: could feelings be as contagious as covid-19?

[humanthomas🗿 @thehumanthomas]

So this morning I was a early for work, so I decided to sit on a bench outside until I could clock in..

[SALEM VEX @salemvex]

nobody at bars are wearing masks, everybody at protests are, stop blaming protesters

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

During these trying times, all we can hope is for @bonappetit to release their backlog of YouTube vids

[fartoncommand @fartoncommand]

@jesse_and_the_ I feel like I need to join these two Twitter bois - enjoy each other's strange brains

[humanthomas🗿 @thehumanthomas]

need immediate FDA approval for roast beef flavored NSAID: RB-profen.