2 caked up 2 die

don’t kill the part of you that’s cringe, kill the part that cringes

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Therapy:
-expensive
-stigmatized
-makes you feel vulnerable
-sucks

Saying “womp”:
-free
-rolls off the tongue
-emotional barriers get to stay up
-sounds exactly how you feel

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

RIP Johnny Appleseed you woulda loved cosmic crisps

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

If you chug five 5hr Energy’s you unlock the 25th hour in a day that the libs don’t want you to know about

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

I’ve accepted that answer and refuse to look any deeper into it

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

I once asked my HS calculus teacher “if pi is infinite, then how do they determine what the numbers are around the 1 millionth decimal? How did they determine pi’s value?” and he looked me dead in the eye and said “it’s just Al Gore button mashing a calculator 80hr per week”

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

@sheetz The automatic flush thing went off at least 4 times but he’s alive

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Lmfao guy at this sheetz is shitting with his shoes off. 1 like = 1 prayer for this man fightin for his life

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Wym “interest rates are up” just lower em???

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

@emptycanofpbr I love pinchot

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

@ZSkeebs Thanks skeebs that’s why I’m saying

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Getting unmatched on hinge for saying “I’m shittin beyblades the way i let it rip”

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Like y’all wouldn’t be losing your minds if this was an Eminem verse

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Getting unmatched on hinge for saying “I’m shittin beyblades the way i let it rip”

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

My favorite thing about Tinder is how it recognizes The Drunk Cigarette™️

[lonnie @aubreyplazawyd]

If you’re 27 years old go fuck yourself

[Barbie 🎀 Agitprop @BarbieAgitprop]

The purpose of housing is to provide shelter, not for a return on investment hope that helps

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Every time I hear about somebody purchasing an extra house so they can rent it out

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

@Ashtrynn #phillies :/

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Working out without headphones because I forgot to charge them 👎:
>dumb
>not festive
>charge your headphones, idiot

Working out without headphones so I can better listen to women 😇:
>smart
>it’s women’s month
>super cool, guy. Awesome stuff

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

SOME people appreciate the fine arts

[2 caked up 2 die @FattBeaver]

Customer asked how it’s going today and I said “same piss, different pants” for some reason