Federal Goverment

Responsible for nearly 300 million citizens and over 3 Trillion dollars a year. Probably a parody account, but who can tell?

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

Cranberry Bulge Regulators accounted for literally dozens of jobs that would otherwise not have existed https://t.co/fWV6ve5F1Y

[A Crime a Day @CrimeADay]

15 USC §234 & §235 make it a federal crime to sell a barrel of cranberries with an outside bulge smaller than 58.5 inches.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

We have been accused of wasting time and money. To investigate this important issue, we've formed a committee with a $30 million budget

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

@FoxNews 0% chance of luggage bomb

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

The bags looked suspicious https://t.co/TjPOyJa2CB

[Fox News @FoxNews]

TSA security issue causes 3,000 bags to miss flights at Phoenix Airport.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

@FoxNews we call in the international community to immediately send aid to the suffering people of Raqa

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

What gives States the impression they can refuse us? https://t.co/bplcPNPfML

[Fox News @FoxNews]

States threaten legal action over White House transgender directive.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

Have they considered using Calf Chitterlings? https://t.co/qLXh0Lx0a2

[A Crime a Day @CrimeADay]

16 USC §668dd & 50 CFR §100.28(b)(4) make it a federal crime for rural Alaskans to use explosives to catch shrimp for their family to eat.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

In large quantities "Calf Chitterlings" can be used as explosives and had to be banned to stop the terrorists https://t.co/BRwupqZXKU

[A Crime a Day @CrimeADay]

21 USC §676 & 9 CFR §317.8(b)(30) make it a federal crime to sell “Chitterling Pie” or “Calf Chitterlings and Gravy” in a package of >3lbs.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

We had the best time writing this one https://t.co/eQPpEuNfry

[A Crime a Day @CrimeADay]

16 USC §1826g(g), (e)(6) & 50 CFR §648.89(e)(2) make it a crime to sexually harass an observer on a boat in Nantucket #NationalLimerickDay

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

Had the Congress properly funded this program it would have succeeded https://t.co/ModvsPIfPi

[Ninja Economics @NinjaEconomics]

The US spent $1.4 billion in Africa telling people not to have sex and it didn’t work https://t.co/P3Nm0XUtKr

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

See? He gets it https://t.co/RFQzCntp3I

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

@FoxNews this is outrageous, we authorized $4.8 million for this project. OIG will investigate

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

This wasn't us, it was requested by a powerful lobbyist and approved by an unelected bureaucrat. Not our fault https://t.co/utjmiS6vO8

[Ninja Economics @NinjaEconomics]

Hundreds were arrested at the US Capitol during #DemocracySpring protests against gov't corruption. https://t.co/KwR2eIlCqh

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

In an effort to save money, every third tweet will be delivered by carrier pigeon

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

We salute David Cameron for his brave efforts to embezzle tax money. For too long this noble practice has been forced into the shadows

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

In North Korea, every day is #NationalWalkingDay

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

After $30 Million and 0 successful tweets, our Carrier Pigeon tweeting system is coming to an end.

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

Procedures were followed. We insisted they show us a receipt before we released the children. https://t.co/pZ8BsZHhrv

[Eric H. @ericinva]

At what point does government incompetence become just plain evil? https://t.co/hLcYj0QVmi

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

*gets out credit card*
How much is this going to cost us? https://t.co/PvUJPSj7ls

[CNN @CNN]

BREAKING: North Korea arrests U.S. student for “perpetrating hostile act," state media reports https://t.co/Pb9DI0AUW1

[Federal Goverment @FedDotGov]

But it could have been up 300% meaning we cut the wait time by 250% #Success https://t.co/jZODIgdc12