fede ❁ ia

nothing feels as good as recovery feels ❁ carrd byf

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

୭̥⋆*https://t.co/O7vHsGRwM3 ｡*⋆̥୭

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i'm afraid i will relapse

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

@glumgirlboss thank you so much, i hope so

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

tw//sh

relapsed after 7, maybe 8 months. i don't really know how to feel right now. i'm just numb. i don't really care anymore, i've given up on trying to get better, im just so tired.

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

sometimes i just wish i had never recovered, i know it sounds crazy to say but i miss being sick

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

this week i went to the gym and, even tho at first i was scared it will cause me a relapse, i'm pretty confident it won't. i think i can manage it. yes, i want to change my body, and it'll eventually happen, but right now i just have to concentrate on having healthy body and mind

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

during my last therapy session i realized that i've treated my body in really poorly and it hurts me a lot. i've done everything i could to it, i starved it, i hurt it. i wonder how my body feels,how my soul feel as well. i know this has to change, i just have to learn to be kind

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

@Xanthousfae sometimes our family make mistakes through recovery and ik it sucks, but trust me, i know feeling in competition with your sister can be hurtful, but i'm sure relapsing will
hurt you way more than not being thinner than her does. if you need anything just text me, stay safe xx

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i want to go back to the gym because i really don’t like my body and i need to change that. my bf says im not ready and i have to work on my mental health before, since this summer when i was training i wasn’t doing so well mentally. idk if i should listen to him, i need to do it

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i deserve it after all

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i feel like im gonna relapse soon

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i wonder how my body would be if i didn’t recover. i wonder if i would hate myself this much if I was ill. i wonder how my life would be right now, if i would still feel this terrible revulsion for my body. im not saying that i regret recovery, but i wonder if i would be happier

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i hate anxiety aaaaaaa

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

therapy in half an hour, feeling so helpless i dont wanna go

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

im tired of feeling this way towards my body and myself, why am i not getting better after all these years?

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

it is so not fair

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

@indianourish so proud of u!!

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

i have been really ia for about a month or so. i’m doing quite well, so i didn’t really feel the need to tweet here. however, school has started and now i don’t really know how i feel, my social anxiety is getting worse and i’m really struggling again :(

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

@lukescoffee_ don’t worry, i really appreciated that🫶🏻 i’ve just been really busy lately so i’ve been ia

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

feeling like im going to relapse soon ngl

[fede ❁ ia @federexic]

@lukescoffee_ hey sorry for the late reply, im doing fine, definitely better than i was when i wrote that. i had a little breakdown, but im okay, thanks for asking<3