Freelance Familiar

Field notes from an emotional support cryptid 👽

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

There’s just smth so intimate about using your hairbrush without your permission and then pulling out only the brown hairs and leaving the blonde rat’s nest in it so you’ll never know 🥰

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

A hungry hippo is eating my face and I’m losing my fucking marbles 🦛

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

I think intermittent fasting and spite are the only things keeping me alive atp 🧟‍♀️

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

You are a perfect specimen of yourself 🪲

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

@redreigh @lapislagoons Becoming me? Only you decide? From whom are you defending yourself rn? 👀

Ppl usually want to see changed behavior when you’re harming yourself or others 🩹

Accountability is letting new info change you without experiencing that change as a threat — you just described it 🪞

[Nithya Shri @Nithya_Shrii]

Some of us aren’t looking for our dream job anymore. We’re looking for work our nervous system can survive.

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

🍺🧱👀

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

The Kool-Aid man knocked out your pitbull in the ring and now they’re cuddling 🥊

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Your dog cowers when I wield a broom — now why is that? 🤨

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Your cleaning lady is yodelmaxxing in the elevator 🏔️

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

I can sing jazz tunes with a goose in my chest bc I’m Girl Crazy 🪿

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Flapping my pussy lips like a puppet mouth and saying, “What are you doing here?” to my Hinge date 🪑

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

My pussy is Chris Hansen 🪑

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Your black-and-white thinking hurts my grey feelings 🩶

[˗ˏˋ ´ˎ˗ @lapislagoons]

if you pride yourself on being honest, you’re probably not as honest as you think you are

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Being loved is easy, but can you be hated? 🎭

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Eating my “safe” food until I purge bc I know how alchemy works 🍕

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

No road rage bc I’ll just eat your ass stealthily 😘

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

I just picked up a mental patient and taught her how to be poor 💸

[Freelance Familiar @feral_devotion]

Will I still growl like MC Lyte if I manage to straighten my posture? 🎤