Joanna Fern Thomas

If you can't say anything nice, come sit by me. You can also call me by my stage name: Frieda Zert.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek I was near there last night!! Are you still in the city?

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek 😳

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek Word.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek Vibes, wigs, and contact lenses.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

I want to tell my boyfriend to stop wiping his toothpaste-covered hands all over my bathroom mirror, but in a mean, passive-aggressive way. You know, really drive it home.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

Thinking about tweeting more about work... for starters, it's Christmas Eve and I just realized after looking at my recorded hours for the last 2 weeks, they shorted me 13 hours. #getyourmoney

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek Wait until you’re browsing Etsy and they’re like “oh you have a pet? How about a cute urn?”

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@thatonequeen “This is a message for the vehicle owner...”

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

Finally getting rid of the loose horse in the hospital. #JohnMulaney

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

Anyone care to explain why Vets and their staff aren’t eligible for the vaccine in NY?

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@USPS What is this mess?

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

Half of it is already in the freezer and the other half is written on 50+ year old index cards. #facts

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

Every commercial for cat litter starts with some idiot holding their nose over a litter box that is 90% feces and hasn’t been cleaned in a month. If your box looks/smells like that, the problem isn’t the litter.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

This is my new kitten. She has lips

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

If your vet tells you that they can’t make you an appointment and your pet needs to go to urgent care, listen to them. It’s not about how long you’ve been a client/how close you are/how old your pet is. Go. To. Urgent care!

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@realDonaldTrump

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@_katherinek Best flavor.

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@wendyleal @NYGovCuomo @dadarocks We don’t want visitors who don’t know how to center their twitter photos properly, Wendy. Lol

[Joanna Fern Thomas @fernipoo]

@taylorgiavasis Bet people get butt-hurt about this because someone still does it for them at their place. It literally costs $0 to be nice.