I know im just Doing It Again on the basis that This Might Be Different.... I just love you and have to accept you will never get it or know it or feel it. Fuck you for that. Fuck me for not knowing how to hold tbis love... dont touch me anyone im sterile.
Im having a lot withing about wanting to rip myself out from a jaded thick wall of sorrow but its jsut a breakup and worse things WILL happen but i want to believe im good and strong and worth it...and then i look into anothers' eyes and think, "it was you all along..." when.,,,
My heart has always hurt and ripped and rotted away nuzzling this concept of one true lover but it hurts in a niche, almost epic way, allowing you to hold the space of One True Lover....and it sucks because you werent that, but i know you tried....i tried.. im trying.
I MISS YOU OMG I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU AND EVERYTHING I DO IS JUST ANOTHER WAY TO SCREAM YOUR NAME I LOVE TOY DONT EVER COME BACK BUT IM COLD AND SCARED AND YOU KNOW ME WE WERE BEST FRIENDS FOR A TIME JN A MOMENT AVOIDANT REGRET
having so much love in your heart is beautiful and amazing right up until you're alone in your bedroom clutching at your chest and whimpering like a wounded dog.
you will be tempted to show that you are doing well, but it is important you resist the urge to perform for an audience that don't matter - and maybe isn't even watching