Kelly Fiorentini

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

@SincerelyMatt26 @wskrs @WICKED_Musical That's good that your friends know New York well enough to pivot that quickly. Unfortunately my parents don't, so I do think making a decision earlier or yesterday could have spared them.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

@SincerelyMatt26 @wskrs @WICKED_Musical Some people traveled in today for the show and they could have stayed home.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

@lunnstar @adamlunn I'm still laughing about it. Also laughing because what @adamlunn tweeted is 100% something I would think.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

@lunnstar If I could teleport you to NJ that would be great thx. Although you for sure don't want to be here - our COVID-19 rates are high and a toddler makes the rules in our house.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

True love is apologizing to your cat for almost sneezing while he was on your lap.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

“Who’s that handsome guy?!” -me holding my cat up to the mirror this morning.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

When you have a problem and none of your friends understand.

@kelly_clarkson

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

Waiting for @kelly_clarkson to announce her tour is taking years off my life. #impatient

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

Best-to-worst ways to communicate:
1. Talk in person
2. Talk on phone
3. Text
4. Email
5. Grab by shirt collar & scream
6. Facebook message

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

Advice on my tea bag: "Do one thing every day that scares you."
Me: *opens twitter*

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

Do people who go golfing know about free will?

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

Is driving like a maniac while sporting a "Baby on Board"sticker a cry for help?

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

*opens twitter to confirm that everyone else has anxiety as well*

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

If calling yourself punk is literally the least punk rock thing you can do, surely the same rule applies to calling yourself woke.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

It's "conceivable" that I had a 3rd donut, I just don't remember it.

[Kelly Fiorentini @fioriouskelly]

Is waiting on hold with no hold music the most uncomfortable thing I've ever experienced? Stay tuned.

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

Can we just fast forward to the part where he somehow contests the size of his funeral turnout from beyond the grave?

[Nick Offerman @Nick_Offerman]

You thought he was dead?
So did the president's enemies.
MACKLIN 🇺🇸 https://t.co/qbmh0RHqdz

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

There’s no amount of money you can throw at America Ferrera to make her say “America runs on Dunkin,” or it would've happened already.

[Corked Podcast @CorkedPod]

Me: How did you two meet?

Married couple: One day I was walking down the street and he... *starts to cry* whistled at me from his car.