1st Evangelical Church of Satan

Have you heard the good news about Satan?

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

Be the demon you want to be possessed by

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

Get out your black candles, sinners

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

If you are saying shit exactly like Darth Vader you might be the bad guy

[Nick Knudsen 🇺🇸 @NickKnudsenUS]

If this doesn’t scare you, I don’t know what will. Christofascist indoctrination ceremony:

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

it's bastille day, a great time to dethrone god, replace him with an opera singer in a sexy robe, and worship her as the Goddess of Reason

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

For real

[Robert Rubsam @rob_rubsam]

To be clear, the American government and American citizens have been guilty of almost unimaginable evil in the distant and the recent past. But no collective stain has seeped into the soil. Our problems have actual material causes, and our enemies are people, not concepts.

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@ctfmhu Some of the seeds fell onto fertile soil, and lo, did the soil produce much grass. Ye, did the church have to mow the grass more often, and their lawn service was blessed.

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@FRCdc @christianacad "Remember, God hates you"

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@GovRicketts Farming doesn't make you hate gay people, though. Care to explain why you do?

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

Attention everyone who has never tried to pay, in horses, a rocket ship flight attendant for unwanted sex. You are all better than Elon Musk. All of you.

https://t.co/nWfHFMMq1O

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@FruitKace The Republican party pivoted to pick up Confederate voters in the 1960s and they've steadily become more central to the party since then. Hard to see a way to change that in the short term. Like a third of Americans are fascist, and they have to go somewhere.

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@GovRicketts Just wait until you find out about all the other individual rights that you don't control

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@FRCdc @josephbackholm Yes, you are trying to impose yourselves on us. Yes, we have the right to say no to you. Any other questions?

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@anneheps It's Earth that's in retrograde

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

Celebrate your freedom by letting @Linc_Comm_Fdn know they should stop financially supporting the NFA. You have religious freedom, and you don't have to put up with NFA's laws that try to restrict it.

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

Sharpen your daggers! Today is the National Day of Prayer.

At the Nebraska Capitol, this year's gathering was sponsored by the Nebraska Family Alliance. They want to control your body and your sex life. But Satanism teaches the truth: only you are entitled to that control.

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@CWHerbster You know you can't assault her over zoom, right?

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@nirak My job would be constantly worrying the commune was turning into a sex cult

[1st Evangelical Church of Satan @first_satan]

@ohiolife "Long Dong Silver"

-Justice Clarence Thomas