Matt Fisher

thoughts are my own but sometimes don’t know where they come from

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

I just watched the guy who cleans the bathroom at JFK hit the smiley face feedback button 6 times. Good to be home

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Taking a break from twitter since I am concerned the platform will no longer be appropriately moderated based on Elon’s actions. In the same way yelling fire in a movie theatre is illegal, those that incite violence and spread misinformation should not be given a megaphone.

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

When our robot overlords take over I think they’ll be pretty amused by humans’ lack of unique identifiers for names. “There are so many John Smiths, why didn’t we just add some digits to the end?”

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

@aleximm How many Zoox test vehicles did you see?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

I would love to live in a world where you could summon people to emerge at any moment like a Jerry Springer episode. “Bob has been dropping the ball at work lately…” “and let’s bring out Bob!” *crowd goes crazy* *Bob runs over to try and punch Susan but is restrained*

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

If almond producers can make their product taste like milk, why can milk producers make their product taste like almonds? I think the milk lobby needs to go on the offensive and start gaining market share in the nuts space rather than just ceding market share to alternative milks

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Is a wine ever fruit backward?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

I mean what are the chances three blind mice could even find each other to hang out? Two meeting up is highly improbable, so three is basically a miracle.

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

@thereal_djdhey You get enough misdirected DoorDashes already. I’m just spreading the love

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

It’s hard to recover from ordering DoorDash to the wrong address. The laziness that prompted outsourcing this activity in the first place is no match for the task at hand.

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

@thereal_djdhey Can I get that in a tiki mug?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

@stuholden Aren’t you worried ream doesn’t tend to play that well for the US?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

To the people that land at JFK and then walk slowly: news flash - you’re in nyc now. Move your ass

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

How did no one think to call themself flo rida before he took it?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

@thereal_djdhey You weren’t joking that Tuesdays are the mix days

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Why do we vote on something every two weeks in California?

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

At $6.50 a gallon this better be some dope gasoline

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Things I googled today: why don’t dogs get cavities and humans do? Turns out they don’t eat as many sugars or carbs as we do… the answer I needed but didn’t want.

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Shazam was the greatest iPhone app of its time

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

YouTube has too many ads

[Matt Fisher @fishinho115]

Block of cheese: 1,000 calories Shred entire block of cheese onto my pasta dish: 0 calories