Tim Fitz

@TheHateful8FF Fantasy Football Writer | #SFB12 semi-finalist | Resilient Chicago Bears fan | Doug Baldwin is the GOAT

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

Pay for YouTubeTV
Pay for ESPN+
Pay for Disney+

Still cannot watch Monday Night Football MNF tonight.

What a time to be alive.

[CBS Sports Golazo ⚽️ @CBSSportsGolazo]

This Chelsea fan flew all the way from Kenya to Budapest to HATE WATCH Arsenal in the UCL final 😭

Pre-match coverage of the UCL Final live from Budapest starts 10am ET streaming free on CBS Sports Golazo Network, and continues 11am on CBS, or catch it all on @paramountplus 📺

[Polymarket Football @PolymarketBlitz]

The Chicago Bears were stripped of their two-third round picks (no reason given), they were ranked first in fewest penalties handed out to opponents in the last 4 of 5 seasons and they have the NFL’s most difficult schedule in 2026.

What did they do to commish?

[David Weigel @daveweigel]

Sit back, take an edible, and think about how "Obama needs $1 billion for a ballroom" would get covered in 2011.

[Katherine Argent @effthealgorithm]

Search is full of ads and wrong answers. Every other email is an ad. Prime Video charges you and shows ads. Paramount? Ads. Peacock? YouTube? Hulu? Ads followed by more ads. Netflix full of ads. Meta and X, every other thing is an ad. Pinterest is nothing but ads. AI is in everything. AI finishes sentences incorrectly and won’t stop. AI reads your email and search history to target you with more ads. Every time you open an app or visit a site there’s an update making it worse. In a hurry? First, click here to agree to terms you don’t have time to read and must accept. You need an account to do that. Change your temporary password. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email and enter that code. Now use a passkey. Your password is too simple to remember. Change it. No, not like that. Now log on. Enter your 2FA code. Check your email for a code… Welcome back! We’ve updated our terms of service and privacy policy (you have none). Subscribe to the site. Subscribe to Netflix. Subscribe to toilet paper. Subscribe to these groceries. Pay a membership fee for the right to subscribe then tip your driver who delivers the subscriptions your membership lets you subscribe to. Time to work? We’ve got to update your laptop and will slow down everything you do until you agree to update. But first, click here to agree. Update installed — your laptop’s broken now. It doesn’t matter, since your boss just replaced you with AI. Go to your phone to complain on social media. Wait, your phone needs an update so we can add more AI. Click here. Oh sorry, your phone can’t handle this update. Now it’s useless. Go get the newest phone. Here’s a text from a friend, an email, a voice mail they left three days ago but you didn’t see until now because of sync problems with the cloud. It’s their GoFundMe. Their MLM. Their Patreon. Never mind, you didn’t respond to their text within 9 minutes and now you’re no longer friends. They blocked you. Make new friends. Download this app to find people in your area. In your neighborhood. On your street. Two doors down from you. Do you know this person yet, we think you’d get along. You need an account to use this app. That username is taken. Enter a password. Not that one, you used it on another site. You need to be connected to WiFi to download the app. Allow the app to connect to other devices on your network. Allow the app to access your contacts, know your precise location, store your credit card details. Oops, sorry, we got hacked now all that info is available on the web. There’s a class action suit. You can join. It’ll take a decade to get your $3.73 share of the ten billion settlement. We’ll send it via PayPal or deposit it to your bank, just tell us those details. Oh no, another hack. That info is circulating now, too. Here’s a spam call, a spam email, a spam text. Why are you angry? Why are you talking about getting rid of your phone? Why don’t you like AI, it lets us make all of this easier? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? This is progress. You’ll be left behind. Do you want to be left behind? Do you???

[Ross Read @RossRead]

Dillon Thieneman is going to put his kids through college off those Jordan Love back foot floaters.

[NFL @NFL]

Mandatory logo slap ✅ @ChicagoBears

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@BarstoolBigCat Its just locker room talk

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@elonmusk World’s first trillionsire tells everybody dont worry about losing your job, money wont matter anymore.

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@tomstakes We all know Brady is better than Dak because we know Brady’s teams won more super bowls? Evn though Dak has better individual stats in every category?

Is that your point?

[maddy catgirlprostate @catgirlprostate]

Just found out about recency bias, it's gotta be the best and most interesting kind of bias

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

First teaser for ‘SPACEBALLS: THE NEW ONE’.

In theaters on April 23, 2027.

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@ScottBarrettDFB Double secret probation nuclear research facility

[Simon @Salavain]

Fantasy football really got guys rage quitting mid-season…

Now we’re talking about naming the trophy after them like it’s some kind of honor — nah, it’s a lifetime receipt that you folded under pressure.

[Travis Akers 🇺🇸 @travisakers]

Before Trump’s war the Strait of Hormuz was open, sanctions were in place, and gas was $2.39.

Now Iran controls the Strait, sanctions will be lifted, gas is $4.99, 13 Americans are dead, over 300 injured, and the loss of hundreds of billions in aircraft and U.S. base repairs.

[garretWATO @GarretWATO]

When you sign Kirk Cousins to a massive deal, draft Michael Penix in the first, and end up with Tua Tagovailoa as your QB.

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@Rule3O3 But what about Albert’s cousin saying Slick at the last minute and that just happening to be Michael. Without that, the Waingro thing doesn’t continue

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@unusual_whales

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@BarstoolBigCat

[Tim Fitz @Fitz_437]

@AdamSchefter

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

Interviewer: Can you perform under pressure?

Me: I can do the Bowie part, but I don't have the upper range to sing the Freddie part.