not jeff

don't mind me just having another crisis

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

My drug of choice is putting off mowing my yard until exactly 20 minutes before it rains

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

vague excuse for posting this picture of my cat

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

@zachsilberberg If they can't handle you at your zoo, they don't deserve you at your bart

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

TIL Collin Farrell is not just a silly goofy way of spelling Collin Firth

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

this tweet is about raya and the last dragon

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

time to clean out the old sinuses (watch an animated children's movie and sob uncontrollably)

[olivia @tochterzwiebel]

distant (etymological) relatives: christ and grimace 💜

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I'm the guy who named all the batteries (A, AA, AAA, AAAA) so I thought I'd offer a chemical engineering breakdown of how they got these names:

1.) I am afraid of electricity

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

This fish is about to become my entire personality

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

My sister sent me a fish joke. I sent her a biblically accurate tuna. She hasn't responded.

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

Update: she responded but was not impressed

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

@hankgreen have you heard of this guy John Green? I bet you'd like his stuff

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

this tweet is about the king of england

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

chucki3

[max (derogatory) @maxafrass]

My phone

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

2020: People are poor because they spend their money on avocado toast!

2023: People are poor because they require food to live.

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

play rug washing ASMR at my funeral

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

@hankgreen socks on hands for the rest of the stream

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I've already been to a million parties where everyone has a bunch of alcohol. I want to have a party where we all meet our daily recommended amount of dietary fiber.

[not jeff @fiveimpossible1]

hey does anyone know when the superbowl is this year? haven't seen anything about it yet