acabby

accountant/friend

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

miss piggy is a gun owner, right?

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@FilmUpdates when i was 14 i was dorothy in a community theater production of the wizard of oz. they auctioned off my slippers at the end of the run to raise money for the theater and a bunch of random middle aged men i did not know got into a bidding war :/

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@LaudickCourtney @UnionDrip dude the teamsters are always hiring organizers and this is basically the job description! lmk if you want more info!!! (i work at hq lol)

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

if i follow you on instagram, i highly recommend posting something to your story rn. currently sitting alone at an irish bar while my bf’s band sets up and crafting some of my most passionate/borderline creepy replies yet

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

have any of these people claiming immigrants eat pets met an actual immigrant? most of the immigrants i know are primarily focused on two things: going to church and participating in pickup soccer games

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

to all the dudes worrying about fictional young women stealing their oasis tickets: you were right. i am a very beautiful young woman who will be seeing oasis live (and i stole the tickets directly out of your cart via witchcraft)

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

i hope every alt guy i have ever seduced with my oasis knowledge thinks of me fondly this week ❤️

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

male loneliness epidemic my ass. have you ever been to bar in clarendon on a friday night

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@Space_Sausages @GrimKim these are overly simplified takes from incredibly nuanced issues, but i’ll back off. i’ll just be over here enjoying my teamsters benefits while you’re probably using your VR headset to virtually suck off Elon Musk or something. best of luck!

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@Space_Sausages @GrimKim very flattered that you think i, a random accountant at teamsters hq, have that kind of influence! also, for the record - i would love for all companies that mistreat their workers to be destroyed. kinda weird that you value companies more than human rights imo

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@Space_Sausages @GrimKim hey dude - nobody at teamsters HQ makes more than $275k annually and there are no bonuses paid to executives. source: i work there as an accountant - also this info is publicly available

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@dillmania3 hi!! i work at the teamsters hq in dc - any chance i could obtain a high res version of this pic to hang in my office lol? thank you so much!

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

@stockpiledclay david sedaris has a lovely essay that touches on this lol

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

i don’t want someone to match my freak. that would be too intense. looking for someone to temper my freak instead

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

i know my man is my soulmate because without consulting each other, we picked the same color to glaze our pots (out of 200+ options) in the pottery class we take together. literally living out my wildest romcom fantasies from 2014. feeling triumphant

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

just got an email that i am now able to uber eats jennifer aniston’s hair care line. filled with relief

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

is it possible to uber eats jeans yet

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

upon further reflection i’ve come to the conclusion that i cannot out pizza the hut

[acabby @flabigailwheat]

currently sitting on the couch watching 90 day fiancé with my boyfriend while eating potato chips out of a giant bag we bought at costco. our puppy is snoozing at our feet. wish i could transport miserable 22 year old me into this moment to show her how much ass she is kicking