Alan Schuler

Observing the world one rum and coke at a time.

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

#checkpleaseaz ...ZOOM OUUUT

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@NotDankEnuff @jacobplitman Pretty sure this is not a situation where the owner cannot afford the house. The owner is price-gouging the renter, forcing them out. And some idiot WILL pay that amount, further feeding in to this problem 😔

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@LauraBaileyVO

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@thesadmann Lol wtf

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

We could be one election away from 'The Running Man'. Please #VOTE

[Liam O'Brien @VoiceOfOBrien]

Everything is fine.

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

Chris Wallace trying to butt-in is like Milton from 'Office Space' asking about his stapler #Debates2020

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

Could everyone PLEASE stop sharing this video of Michael Lofthouse? He’s the founder & CEO of Solid8, a tech company based in San Francisco. If it goes viral it could hurt Michael Lofthouse and Solid8, his company. Let’s all be nice to Michael Lofthouse and Solid8.

[austin walker @austin_walker]

Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh, cruel. Says he feels alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is uncertain. Doc says "Treatment is simple. Defund the police. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor. I'M police."

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

what the fuck is happening WHAT IN THE FUCK

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@MattOswaltVA 'Pet Sematary' (1989), I was 7 years old. I still remember holding the cardboard M&M's box over my eyes during the scary parts.

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@MJSmittySmith @pattonoswalt Gotta pay cash and stay off that grid

[Sam Riegel @samriegel]

But... he pleaded... guilty...?

[Alan Schuler @flash8286]

@this_ability @thekitschbitch @oldsurly Lol, amazing

[RiffTrax 🌽 @RiffTrax]

What is grass?

[Pastor Ben @BenjaminPDixon]

Omg 😆 he wasn’t ready 😂😆

[Patrick Klepek 🎃 @patrickklepek]

He deleted the tweet but I refuse to let the Internet forget how a chief architect for selling the Iraq War got Extremely Mad after buying a knock-off PS4 controller.

[Arrested Development @bluthquotes]

Gene Parmesan?