Nerf Herder

If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

My vote is if they keep acting like the gays are the problem we start acting like it. Time to choose chaos.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

@britabongwater Weird! It’s always worked out when I talk to the kitchen staff at my job. But I’m sure food and room up keep are drastically different. Still tho with the Greek and Spanish being similar fact 👀

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

Okay but here me out. baba yaga, but with Waffle House.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

@britabongwater I would download a translator on your phone! But alsooo, spanish might not be as hard after learning Greek because both Greek and Spanish belong to the broader Indo-European language family. There’s a lot of similarities.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

✨Be someone’s reason for believing in “Mercurys in retrograde”✨

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

The real Twilight a sequel is when they break up and one becomes a lighthouse keeper and one becomes a lesbian.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

If I thumbs up your text I really mean fuck you.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

I can’t wait till Miley releases an autobiography. I wanna hear the nitty gritty.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

@gabezzzz Crazy to think that if you aren’t on “do not disturb mode” your just in disturb mode. Which actually tracks.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

We are driving to Tennessee from Philly and as the passenger princess I’ve been tasked with DJing. I started strong but then got lazy so I put on one of my wife’s playlists. Every song that comes on she says “oh this is a great song.” Check. Mate.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

My birthstone is a coffee bean.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

Everything I get elevated I look up adult gymnastic gyms in my area.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

@cyphernk Nuggets

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

This is where I tweet from.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

Yoooo last night I was training the new hire behind the bar and he started telling the customers about how his seven year relationship ended. It was beautiful. It was such an uno reverse card unlike anything I’ve ever seen. The bartender making the customer the therapist. 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

Rationally I know all of this is bcuz @paramore is splitting from their label but irrationally it makes me feel like they are breaking up which makes me wanna K i double hockey stick myself. The anxiety makes my belly hurt.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

I think the decline in my mental health is correlated to the lack of crab Rangoon in my life.

[Jarett Wieselman @JarettSays]

Amy Sedaris surely improvised this truly insane phonecall in Elf (that I think about constantly)

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

I don’t think I’ll ever have “crows feet” because I don’t smile enough. Idk if I feel good about that.

[Nerf Herder @FlatBottomGal]

At this point, I would eat the rich WITHOUT SALT.