Having MEMORY LOSS from depression and trauma is a weird experience because people don’t understand how scary it is when depression and trauma start affecting your memory. Like you really start forgetting whole moments of your life, conversations, things people told you, how you used to act, and even parts of yourself. It’s like your brain got so overwhelmed from surviving everything that it started deleting things just to protect you.
there’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from always being the one who understands, who adjusts, who stays calm. not because you’re naturally like that, but because you know if you don’t, everything falls apart.
This sentence by Dostoyevsky never fails to hit hard:
“You sensed that you should be following a different path, a more ambitious one, you felt that you were destined for other things but you had no idea how to achieve them and in your misery you began to hate everything around you.”