Flermilab

We research Blaseball. It tries its best to stop us.
Unstuck in time.
We aren't real. Not affiliated with Fermilab, which probably is real.

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@ChiBlaseball Can confirm.

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@ChiBlaseball Their lifelong dream is to hit a star with a blaseball

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@ChiBlaseball Tube Nebula is our Department Head of Paradoxical Astronomy and believes all the stars are like, a hundred feet up in the sky instead of being millions of miles away

[lynn - local magpie @MarsBarsBaby1]

"guess were studying fuckin bugs now. this sucks" - carl entomology the father of entomology

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@BlaseballT Kennedy Rodgers

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Would the parents or guardians of a "Kid Lister" please collect them from the Information Desk? They refuse to leave and keep aiming our Blaseball Accelerator at things

[Flermilab @flermilab]

LIVESTREAMING: The experiment that will go wrong and eventually result in the total destruction of the Flermilab campus. Witness this historic moment live on our website:

[Flermilab @flermilab]

From the Flermilab Ethics Council: scientist, animal, and intern testing of GBLs (Green, Bubbling Liquids) to be phased out. Ji-Eun Kim, Flermilab's sole surviving intern, had this to say: "[hissing], [sound of spraying venom], [scurrying noise]"

RIP: Ed Markland, Reporter (39)

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Stretching the frontiers of facial recognition with Dr. Zhivago-Cronenberg's Teleporter-Mediated Experimental Cosmetology research team: Read the interview on our website

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Breaking: The force of magnetism discovered to have been "a fraud this whole time" perpetrated by invisible, microscopic elves, according to Dr. Crankenwagen.

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@RealSwammyM @MlatPlat TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW MLATPLAT

TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW!!!

[Flermilab @flermilab]

We have been advised to retract this tweet and will do so as soon as our new press corps volunteer learns how; they do come from the 1300s so this may take some time

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Which Gods are real? An intern forced to stand underneath a lightning rod blaspheming from a list of Gods discovered the shocking truth

Read more on our website:

[Flermilab @flermilab]

A big congratulations to Arcane Thaumology Department Head Dr. Gabriel Mephisto for achieving the OPHION lifetime achievement award! When asked why, Dr. Mephisto stated that "IT [was] NOT FOR MORTAL MINDS TO KNOW" and raptured everyone in the room.

RIP: the Flermilab Press Corps

[Flermilab @flermilab]

gotta tell you grant writing is hard when the national science foundation says that your field of study isn't real

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Full time position for pest control specialist available, PhD in theoretical physics and experience with teleporter operation preferred

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@catacalypto fresh from flermilab's new Gif Centrifuge

[Flermilab @flermilab]

@catacalypto

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Due to guest fatalities, Specially Selected Involuntary Behind The Scenes Self-Guided Campus Tours have been discontinued. Guests are encouraged to try their best to not get lost.

[Flermilab @flermilab]

Lost on campus? No you aren't! Enjoy your Specially Selected Involuntary Behind The Scenes Self-Guided Campus Tour! Fees may apply.