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[Steve Hartman @SteveHartmanCBS]

I see some of you are discovering our talented friend, Samuel, for the first time :)

[Joanna Robinson @jowrotethis]

This is like me finding out about Topher all over again.

[O’Shea Jackson Jr @OsheaJacksonJr]

I saw it. Now you have to see it. His name is Samuel. And he…is a king.

[we are frighteningly well resourced @poisonjr]

Preschool teachers doing roll call:

[𝗠𝘂𝗵𝗲𝗲 ♛ @muheediva01]

Finding a low traffic bathroom at your job is so important

[john @johnsemley3000]

the older I get, the less likely it seems I’ll bonk a guard unconscious and steal his uniform, to more easily infiltrate his base.

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

How come you can only hire a clown to do clown stuff? I think it would be way funnier to watch one do yard work or try to do my taxes

[Bob Kostic @causticbob]

if you live to be 100 you should make up some weird reason why, just to screw with people, like claim you ate a pinecone everyday or something

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

There was nothing like rolling out of bed at age three, wiping the sleep out of your eyes, and thinking “I gotta mow the imaginary lawn today.”

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Even though they’ve broken up, I loved Hall and Oats.

[ANTIFAldo @ANTIFAldo]

3rd graders at the classroom pencil sharpener with a brand new Ticonderoga No. 2

[Simon Holland @simoncholland]

Kids will just put a whole empty shoe box in the kitchen trash can.

[Triiad ୭୭ @triiadxx]

me with the laundry from the dryer

[𝓔𝓿𝓪𝓷 @Baltlol]

if I woke up to a pony playing a keyboard after surgery I would assume I passed away

[crocodile @crocodilecrisis]

DELETE RIGHT NOW!

[cow @cowincrisis]

that’s me in the front

[Mr. Mallard @distraughtduck]

let me in

[No Cats No Life @NoCatsNoLife_m]

The last footage from the security camera before it got destroyed.

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

I've never found a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.