big cal aka. flex breezy

these god damn industrialists stole my peaceful pastoral life

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

This kinda flopped but years from now we’re gonna look back on this tweet and be like “wow, Cal was really ahead of his time. This is game changing stuff”. This is my Yeezus

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

What’s the deal with peanuts having clits?

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

They plucked the bird

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

@_mg_44 @joelmillerrs Sometimes

[Arkansas Men’s Basketball 🐗 @RazorbackMBB]

CALL THE HOGS 🙌🐗🏆

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

This is pocket change to a guy like me

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

I’ve noticed when white people get fat they either become gayer or more homophobic

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

I’m several airport beers deep. Things getting worse

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

How much AMC stock do I need to buy before I can start acting different at the theater?

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

You ever on the way to the toilet and you’re like “ya I better grab some paper towels for this one”

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

F. Slur Fitzgerald. 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘢𝘺 𝘎𝘢𝘵𝘴𝘣𝘺

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

Pretending to be a high school football player and making an ai huddl tape so I can text with Dabo Swinney

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

Sometimes when I’m walking home drunk from the bar I like to pretend I’m in Napoleon’s army and we’re retreating Russia in defeat. Idk why but it helps

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

@Hootch_AltAcct Settle down

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

The ever foreboding no-handle pogo stick. NOT for intermediate Pogoers. I’ve seen many an ill-prepared attempt take the lives and limbs of those who thought themselves Hercules, but found themselves Icarus. I pray you all heed this warning

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

whiskey dick when you’re jacking off has to be the most demoralizing feeling. Not only can I not finish, I can’t even get this guy to finish

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

On the plane about to take off. Let’s see if I can get one off before I lose service

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

She got up to go to the bathroom no less than 15 times on the flight. Idk if she actually had to piss like that or if it was to spite me, but I’m man enough to admit when I’ve been bested

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

White lady in the window seat tried to guilt me into giver her the aisle, talking about “I have a bladder condition”. Told her she can step over my sleepy white ass when the time comes. Papa needs that extra legroom

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

Nothing gayer than when a male artist covers a female artists love song and changed the genders in the song so he don’t sound gay

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

I don’t have much time, I watched an ad to get 20 mins of free wifi. These could be my last transmissions

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

@GlutenFear That’s 17D to you, honky

[big cal aka. flex breezy @flex__breezy]

I’ve been mostly flying Southwest recently but today I’m on American. Almost forgot how dogshit Southwest planes are. Communist boarding strategy too. Glad to be back on an airline for real American patriots