Stupid Shit Lex Says

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“I broke my softball coach’s vagina bone”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“There’s nothing more exciting than being covered with a blanket looking for toes”

[Lexie Burroughs @LexieBurroughs]

@flexrexlex
*popping noise coming from these carts*
Alyssa: What are they making over there?
Kalli: An ice bath
Me: Popcorn

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“If he was an animal, he’d be a teddy bear gopher”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

*at Buffalo Wild Wings*
Lex: “oh my god I wish I was wearing jeans so I could unbutton them right now”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“Columbus sailed the ocean blue in 1972”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

Kalli: Wait, do you know what a golden birthday is?
Lex: Yeah it’s when you turn 50 on the 50th day of the month

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“This yogurt has so much sugar in it, it’s making my cheeks perspire”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“Is it 2018 yet?”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“I hate the taste of wood”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“All we need is love and a souvenir cup and we'll make it”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“Step brothers... is that movie with Jim Ferrell?”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“We have a Nova Scotia in the United States?”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“That chick is so dumb she probably breathes CO2”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“Without gun there would be no fire”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

*twerking on her door*
“I just popped an ovary”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

“I heard if you sleep naked, your soul leaves your body, and if your blankets fall off you’re screwed.”

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

I am allergic to sprite, every time I drink it I get the hiccups

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

I am just as tan as those Florida girls, the only thing they got on me is dead skin

[Stupid Shit Lex Says @flexrexlex]

My mom used to force feed me chocolate pudding before my races