Flying Bobby

Skydiver

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

Yes. Been here for a while. Shockingly enough, not for clicks. You know, argue, comment, chat, talk… The basics of communication. If somehow that makes you hate me, oh boy go look in the mirror if you’re looking for the problem.

[𝕭𝖊𝖓𝖓𝖎𝖊✨ @Bennieeexyz]

Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat.

Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records.

My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now.

Called the county clerk.

Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty.

Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons?

Me: Yes, but he's a cat.

Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county?

Me: He's a legal cat.

Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

Me: He can't file anything. He has paws.

Clerk: You can file on his behalf.

Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat."

Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons."

Me: What's the medical reason?

Clerk: He's a cat.

Me: That's not a medical condition.

Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving.

Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later.

"Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement."

Took the letter to my vet.

Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty.

Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty?

Me: Excellent question. No good answer.

Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten.

Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve?

Vet: On what grounds?

Me: He's a cat.

Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings."

Me: Perfect.

Sent it in. Got another rejection.

"Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court."

My roommate thought this was hilarious.

Roommate: Felix is going to jail.

Me: This is serious.

Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens.

Decided that was actually the only option left.

Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters.

Checked in at the courthouse.

Clerk: Name?

Me: Felix Martinez.

Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix?

Me: Yes.

Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat.

Me: I've been saying that for six weeks.

Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption?

Me: I filed three. All rejected.

Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief.

Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation?

Me: Twice.

Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this.

Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me.

Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote?

Me: You tell me.

Supervisor: This is a data error.

Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out.

They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience.

Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry.

Me: Appreciate it.

Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted?

Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats.

Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card.

For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was.

Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud.

Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

Roommate: That's what they all say.

Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now.

Fitting end to his legal career.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@RodKahx If I remember my stats&probability course in uni, 3.4 std dev away is a smidge unusual….

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@JoueursBE

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@JoueursBE Well then, I feel obliged to take my exact same glass and cheer with you to your lovely victory. GG guys

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@Tablesalt13 @Reil76 @PierrePoilievre @tablesalt So you're proud of it? Making money out of thrashing the place you live in?

Incredibly sad life you have.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@RickyDa66657201 @rabbitSZN2 Hahahaha “the fair logs”

Sure rickyda66657201

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@JoJoFromJerz @IngrahamAngle Oh definitely option 2. Segregation was "abolished" only recently in 1954. And abolished is a strong word. More like "gone undercover in housing laws and job hirings". The mindset never truly left in some families..

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@Reil76 @microbear007 Well he’s missing an eye, hard to write properly

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@DaVinci132134 @RpsAgainstTrump Do you really think people put any value in that blue checkmark anymore? All it means is that someone paid for this nametag to be more visible.

That’s it.

Plus the anonymous picture. Plus the name/283648282…

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@BullyWhooley @RpsAgainstTrump Funny, your name is the same at the value of your argument

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@DaVinci132134 @RpsAgainstTrump Translation: it MAYBE made you feel bad for 8hrs.

Also, the bots truly have a lack of imagination for their names these days.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@Fiorellissimo @MarcoFattorini Sure, the hypothetical mystery nuke.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@gtconway3d Hey, we wanted green policies from him. It's a start?

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@bluebirdpoopies We did wanted Trump to have greener policies... Maybe should have been more precise in the wording.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@aja2130 @mm47754 @JamesTate121 No need to double down on the racism, we know where you stand.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@aja2130 @mm47754 @JamesTate121 It's not talking point, it's reality. And the work shoddiness it's going as swimmingly (pun intended) as we thought.

https://t.co/7ft1yxmkrD

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@DealsDispatch @YourAnonNews

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@mishythelesbian @MikeLevin @CarlottaPini Well. I have a pool. And this spring we actually just repainted the cement (it’s an in-ground pool). Then we refilled it. And you know what miracle happened once I turn the pump back on?? NOT green.

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@aja2130 @mm47754 @JamesTate121 Because no bid contract are for “serious injury, financial or other, to the government”.

That pool wasn’t. It was an ego thing for Trump. And he didn’t fix the faulty plumbing, which is the source of the problem. AND the costs ballooned

[Flying Bobby @flying_bobby]

@aja2130 @mm47754 @JamesTate121 Well if it was a sus no bid contract to someone who’s only credential was to have work on Trump’s golf course, then yeah, probably would have tried to block it then. Because law is still a thing. Hence why the current magnifying glass on it. Skirt the rules, you attract attention