FML MOMENTS

The unofficial page of your daily fml moments.

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I had to download a parental block so my dad would stop watching porn on my laptop. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I went on a date. He stole my credit card. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years proposed to me. Less than 3 hours later, he panicked and made me give the ring back. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She pretended not to hear me. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, My girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My daughter's $11 One Direction poster. What will it cost to fix my car? $1,000. #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." #FML

[FML MOMENTS @fmlmoments]

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. #FML