Bob Punhouse

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

Bob Monkhouse

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole My ex wife once asked which of her friends I wanted to have a threesome with.

Apparently I wasn’t supposed to name two of them.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole Be careful, I did the same and the pen snapped and leaked. I had the shame of having to go to A&E.

A little bit of me dyed inside.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole Mr ex wife surprised me by asking which of her friends I wanted to have a threesome with.

Apparently I wasn’t supposed to pick two of them.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@jackbremer 🎶 ‘but I won’t do VAT’ 🎶

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@jackbremer 🎶 ‘but I won’t do VAT’ 🎶

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@jackbremer @Draconacticus @fesshole 😂

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole My ex wife left me because I used too many apostrophes.

Too possessive.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole My ex wife came earlier to collect the rest of her belongings. She has a massive case of diarrhea.

She won’t find out until she unpacks later.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole I was told you are fine to eat one side of the chicken this way.

Could be a right wing conspiracy.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole He’ll try this again you know, he remains undie turd.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole The receptionist did the doo diligence.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole I was 4th last year for the chocolate bar with biscuit and caramel.

I want to be 1st this year, it’s going to be tough but I’m resourceful, I have a few twix up my sleeve.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole Careful, I was happily married until my ex wife did the same.

After that I got cold feet.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole I take your starling and raise you a tropical bird that I’m going to drop off in your front garden.

Toucan play that game.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole Easier to evict than ten-ants.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole On holiday last year in New York I bought some Lego in the Lego store’s Christmas sale. Big, big queue.

People were lining up for blocks.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole This article will help you learn:

The.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole I know a couple of guys down at the opticians who sorted me out a solution for this. I have contacts.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole And how was it? Don’t need to hear about the whole thing, just the highlights.

[Bob Punhouse @followforpuns]

@fesshole You can’t blame your parents, you’re self taut.