CARMEN

22 y/o, he/they // vent account for a dysfunctional little scrungly dude-guy-thing :PPPP

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i got set up with a new therapist and we’re gonna be trying EMDR. i’ve never done it before so i’m very curious to see if it helps

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i think i can’t take molly anymore. it’s so much fun im the moment but i always overdo it and then my emotions are all over the place for a week

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

everyone in my life says i look so much better with a bit more weight on me but i hate it. i don’t feel like myself. my face is unrecognizable

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

got my hands on some E, so i’m gonna be rolling at the bars tomorrow night 🤩

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i’m going to a gay bar on Sunday and i hope i get hit on :3

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i’ve been purging again. it was every night for a stretch but now it’s down to every-so-often, when i’m really anxious about my weight or can’t sleep

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

the thing i remember most from when i died in february is the silence. it was the deepest quiet i’ve ever known. a strange light would pass around me, and i had a vague feeling of floating. no thoughts, no feelings beside utter peace

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i hate that it takes half a bottle of vodka just to feel tipsy now

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

@deathandsaints @tinyot13 @paristocairo i’m sorry what????????

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i learned that one of my brothers who i don’t talk to is having a baby and i have a lot of mixed feelings

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

a dude stuck his tongue *in* my ear one time while we were making out and i could feel my brain chemistry change in that moment. #lovethatshit

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

how do you have a kid without working through a puke phobia????? puking is like top 3 little kid behavior

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i think i'm in alcohol withdrawal and i don't know what to do. i feel too shitty to drive into town so i hope i don't have a seizure

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i’m so addicted to needles/injection. i’ve shot up amphetamines, heroin, ketamine, mda, psych meds. it doesn’t matter what’s in the barrel, i just want to shoot up.

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i hate my life. ive tried so hard. im taking my meds, going to therapy, sober, eating normally. all this and i still can’t get my life together. it makes me wonder, “what’s the point?” why stay sober if i’m crazy and miserable anyway? why eat if i’m depressed or manic regardless?

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i am about to be very pathetic and call him to ask if he’ll come over. i’m having a terrible time. i wish i’d die. i want someone to talk to

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

i hate how quickly alcohol tolerance rises. i've done 7 shots over the last hour an a half and i'm barely buzzed

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

anorexia + hypomania go together like peanut butter and jelly

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

starting tomorrow, i’m dog sitting for about 10 days and I hope they have a scale in their home

[CARMEN @foolishfuccup]

my body is so fucked after my overdose. my circulation sucks, so i’m freezing cold in 90° weather. i’ve purged twice in the last week and have been eating just a bit less and i already have pretty bad heart palpitations.