Forensic Raconteur

Duly anonymised professional thinking too hard about life and the humour therein and thereof. Humour too subtle for some.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

Possession _is_ nine-tenths of the law...

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@leonrestaurants @Chesterservices
When you order 3 chicken and a Korean wrap, and drive 30 miles home only to find that they’ve only put in 2 chicken and no wrap, and no receipt either, you’d think they’d have the decency to have a phone number that they’d pick up. #ethicalfood

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

The answer, of course, being to use the adjectives in the correct order. Status comes before colour. Everyone knows this. Yours, a privileged white man.

As Mark Forsyth put it in The Art of Eloquence: Opinion-size-shape-colour-origin-material-purpose noun. status = opinion

[Edward Levey @ED_LeveyKC]

There are a number of troubling aspects to Dr Proudman's recent comments about one of her cases, but one of them deserves particular attention.

(A short thread with the obligatory emoji🧵) /1

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

To all you bastards who forgot my 50th birthday yesterday, cheers, it didn’t happen and was fake news.

Not least because I’m now counting in hexadecimal so I’m now 32.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@LawfulStudent @SimonCohen85 Robbed!

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@CrimBarrister For whom is the church vicariously liable?

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

That’s not but standing on Jack’s thigh probably was…

[Andrew Neil @afneil]

If that’s not a red card, what is?

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

The first Manchester Derby of the 2021/2 season will be played for the European Super Vase.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

Receiving your two shots of Pfizer
Does not mean “No mask and no visor”.
You’re protected, some ain’t
So show some restraint
And work towards older and wiser.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@Greekbluenose Hot olives, thick cut pastrami, you know you want it...

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

Having decided against living to 112, breakfast...

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

🐕‍🦺

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@pibarrister @itsdavegreen Have you looked at the 1909 tax records? Loads of information on there...

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@pibarrister @itsdavegreen Did you not have any relatives in 1911?

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

Because in the fight between clipboards and wellingtons, wellies should win: https://t.co/hZWVk5hRmp via @38_degrees

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@MrsSauces @BrunningMatthew @jonez_helen @thecarelawyer @Greekbluenose @StokesSauces @charliebighams Not chilli jam? Weird!

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@MrsSauces @BrunningMatthew @jonez_helen @thecarelawyer @Greekbluenose @StokesSauces Don’t tell him about the chilli mayo, Pike!

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@BrunningMatthew @jonez_helen @thecarelawyer @Greekbluenose @StokesSauces @MrsSauces Charlie Bigham’s Cottage pie, Brown sauce, red wine, win.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@Greekbluenose @jonez_helen @thecarelawyer @BrunningMatthew @StokesSauces @MrsSauces Back to back with you there.

[Forensic Raconteur @forensicality]

@BrunningMatthew @Greekbluenose @StokesSauces @MrsSauces And so the addictions starts. Tell me, did you collect stamps as a kid? If so, you’ll need a bigger fridge.