King Vercher 👑

Be. You. To. Infinity

[jaw @jawdroppuh_]

my female cousin has been dating a trans man for a couple years but most of us haven’t met them.

on Saturday, someone asks why she’s never brought her boyfriend around the family and my cousin says “he wants to lose more weight before meeting the whole family”

and without missing a beat my dad goes “you need to tell them that a real man doesn’t care about those things”

[OTUNBA not COFFEE ☕️ @OtunbaCoff]

I put an AirTag in my car, and my aunt took my car out. Tell me why Apple is telling my aunt that there is a tracker (AirTag) around her.

What if my car was stolen? Is that how Apple will notify the thief of a tracker?

[isa @isaposters2]

IM CRYING WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM

[Top Gee🧍🏾‍♂️🦅 @UsurpedPoetGee]

White man = Love language
Black man = Lustful

Noted.

[Mxxn Rxckz @MxxnRxckz09X]

Lust is the reason dates even happen you'd never see a date if a man didn't wanna fuck you

[Damin Toell @damintoell]

You?

[Angry Staffer @Angry_Staffer]

Did you know the department of energy deleted almost 6000 web pages on energy saving, all because they matched the advice Mamdani was giving in NYC?

It’s the world’s dumbest cult.

[COCO @TWOTIMESABITCH]

i once heard someone say “if there are 12 Nazis in a room and they ask you to have dinner with them and you agree, then there are 13 Nazis in that room” and i think a lot of people fundamentally don’t understand that. but it’s 100% true.

[Washingtons ghost @washghost1]

I’d quit any job that would reply like this

[Clever ☆ QUEER EMILYYYYY @clevercorvidae_]

this is a genuinely dangerous lie to spread im sorry. this does not happen. doctors have absolutely no incentive to do this and do not check organ donor status unless you are already in a position where organ donation is possible and they have to either extract or send to morgue

[咲ママ☺︎1y👦🏻+🥚 @eo9mn3m]

保育園に長男を送った際、他のママさんから呼び止められ
「看護師アピールするのやめてもらっていいですか？看護師になりたくても夢を諦めて普通の会社員になった保護者も多くいると思うので無神経です。」と注意されました。
私は「看護師じゃなくて医者ですけど」と返しました。

[TTBNGaming @TTBN_GAMING]

Unironically this is twitter

[mj 🐇 @lazyfaeriee]

My roommate came home drunk af and was complaining about her boyfriend so i was like ah yeah my bf made me mad the other day blah blah. And she was like yknow you two don’t bicker much but i have always admired how the second he starts making you mad you just send him home. LMAO

[salma @salmawysalma]

why would my man post this

[nina 🫀 @cbmrw]

I dont know if it counts as a poem but

[. @playboicurrryy]

what the fuck is he talking about

[Amanda Killian @eroscestlavie_x]

i kinda get why women who are tiny and short act like that because I just tried to imagine a world where I was 5’1” and got pissed off immediately

[beck @cardgani]

ustedes sabían que las tarjetas amarillas y rojas que sacan en los partidos son multas reales que tienen que pagar, los descubrí hoy

[X Force 137 @137Force]

a random Texans stray firework called "Hulk's Bad Dragon" decimating a family of 4 today: