cait m

department stores

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Just think how skinny we’d all be if the meal gum from Willy wonka was rea

[cait m @foxtherenard]

@StevenRayMorris Good for when youre too old to say no parents no pants but in need of a phrase to introduce all the dumb shit u still do

[J @judith_ism]

Live from NPR News in Washington I am A Little Bitch

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Is @GiovanniRibisi up for adoption

[My Favorite Murder Out of Context @myfavmurderooc]

basically—i just got caught for a bad thing i did, therefore, you did it: the donald trump story.

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Being a dog owner is 10% caring for a dog and 90% going swswswsws trying to open a plastic bag

[Megan Amram @meganamram]

Idea: Benihana for Italian food, they flip a lasagna into their hat

[cait m @foxtherenard]

two middle aged people next to me on my flight just met one minute ago and now they are talking about pot (it makes the lady throw up but the man “smokes it like a heathen”) #thelegendofRandandNance

[cait m @foxtherenard]

My tiedye Buc-ee’s pop socket was hilarious until I ended up eating dinner alone at a fancy hotel bar

[cait m @foxtherenard]

I hope she saw my girl Betty @lasttangle

[Jessica Valenti @JessicaValenti]

1) this would obvs never be a story about a man

2) this is not an expensive haircut/color for a public figure who is frequently on TV

3) if her hair was raggedy, that would be the lead story instead

4) 🙄🙄🙄🙄

https://t.co/CyXaQ860ts

[cait m @foxtherenard]

@aaal_pal EXACTLY it chaps my ass

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Someone gets hit by a bus most people don’t help but if u leave ur backpack? Partially unzipped??? Everyone COMES TO UR AID

[zoë @zoe_alliyah]

schitt’s creek but it’s renata, ammabella, and gordon

[Megan Amram @meganamram]

PARENTS DO NOT VACCINATE YOUR CHILD!! I vaccinated my baby and now 60 years later he has an Old face, too soft hands, horrible looking. DISGUSTING why is he alive so long

[cait m @foxtherenard]

The emails I get

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Marriage is being mad at the other person because they use too many spoons

[cait m @foxtherenard]

husband: hungry?
me: hmm kind of!
him: ....i was talking to the dogs
#wishiwasadog #someonefeedme

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Last night I dreamt that I asked a bunch of teens if they were aware of Built to Spill as oldies, or not at all #mysubconciousisahipster #oldashell #noteven30 #getoffmylawn

[cait m @foxtherenard]

90s TV: everyone’s lips were so thin that they felt they had to pipe in the mouth-sucking sounds?

[cait m @foxtherenard]

Very little difference between Virgos and dads #trashbagastrology