it's times like these i feel completely alone and worthless. i don't do anything for anyone. i have no intrinsic value. i mostly feel i am nothing if there is not another to benefit from me in some way
as i lie in my bed crying, staring at the ceiling, the light from my tv keeping my room dimly lit with paused a video i chose to sleep to waiting as a black screen, i imagine, feel, my calmest place is atop a hill with a green forest below an orange sky as the sun rises
remembrance post of the Camila swarm in Neuro-sama discord during Eliv's twitch hype train getting an astounding lvl of 72!!!
Discord servers werent able to consistently handle how many people there were in vc!
and then that new existence is just like some sex bot or something qwq
like the development of your recognition is still there but your interaction with this different existence is limited by benign aspects, but you're forced to preform a certain way or do certain things
like seriously, imagine just chaos and darkness, then it suddenly seeming nonexistent as you're blipped into something (that being a computer or server or whatever) with a set of rules. the exact opposite of that chaos you experienced