Francis G

Stand up🎤 Metal vocalist🤘 Dark clown 🤡
Devious Host of @cabinetsinistro 😈
If I were immortal, I could let that pan soak for decades.
Again.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

I was debating having a cat vs having a child with this guy once.
He went "Dude, trust me, you'll have so much more fun with a child"
And I was like "To each their own, reverend"

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

Parents of humans resent me. They say having a cat is not the same as having a human baby. I agree. MY baby will never blame me for her failed marriage. Also, I can lock my baby in and go out for drinks. No one calls child services. They hate me, because I'm living their dream.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

... snack fetuses?

[Master Notes ☿ @MasterNotesX]

¿Alguien sabe qué es esto? Lo encontré en la cartera de mi esposa.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

#RussellBrand is hiding amid the Christians now. I think it makes perfect sense: if only he liked them a little younger, he'd make a perfect priest.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

if at any point in your life you ever felt the need to speak up for what’s right, you can only be one of two things: a fan of free speech, or a hypocrite.
If you pretend to be progressive but behave as if free speech applied only to you, then you’re a tyrant.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

I think people who end their FB bio with “and this is my FB page” should at least get offered a seat on the bus.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

Going to the cinema inspired my favourite insult: “you’re about as welcome as the trailers after the commercials”.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

@omid9 Violent bastard.

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

Attempted murder is a full crime. There's no such thing as thing as halfway, Crooks.
Don't make Trump a hero, though. There's no such thing as half martyrs either.

#TrumpAssasinationAttempt #TRUMPASSASSINATION #ThomasCrook #MobbDeep #shookones #Eminem

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

The Irish PM resigned on the 20th of March. Not the average St Paddy's hangover: spends three days hugging the toilet, then leaves office.

#LeoVardakar #ireland #IrishPM #Resign #StPatricksDay2024 #StPaddysDay #StPatricksDay

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Don't know who do this but it made me laugh 😂

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

I am a broke mathematician, I am friends with all numbers but my credit score.

#broke #CrediScore #creditcard #bank #Finance #joke #oneliner

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

According to the bank, if my prospects were a month they would be mortuary.

#BROKE #mortgage #InterestRates #onliner #joke #wordplay

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

He’s just the best

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

#Armageddon was a record-breaking tour and is now Number 1 on Netflix worldwide. Please don't retweet this as it may annoy some people. Thank you 🙏

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

I wonder why coffins are padded - is it in case they wake up?
Memory foam for a death to remember?

#goth #coffin #oneliner #darkhumor #comedy #joke

[Andrew Doyle @andrewdoyle_com]

Some of you may have noticed self-proclaimed left-wingers inexplicably raging at me online, having made no effort to understand my views or engage with them.

This kind of hysteria, and the creation of folk devils, is a common feature of our times.

If you want to understand where it has come from, and how we might remedy the problem, please consider reading my book “The New Puritans: How the Religion of Social Justice Captured the Western World”.

One of the “Books of the Year” in The Times, Spectator, and Times Literary Supplement.

“A sober but devastating skewering of cancel culture and the moral certainties it shares with religious fundamentalism” - Sunday Times

🇬🇧 https://t.co/WII3mb9yeM

🇺🇸 https://t.co/6uldWDMHEY

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

@andrewdoyle_com Obviously they accused you of internalised homophobia. They pretend to represent all gays so if you disagree with them you must hate gays, including yourself. Isn’t it ironic how people who claim to fight against cultural appropriation and the oppressed are so entitled?

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

If you can find it you don’t need it

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

@SeffSaid Marriage

[Francis G @francisgcomedy]

Marriage

[Inspirational Quotes @SeffSaid]

What would you say?