Trauma shows up in culture as:
1. An excessive focus on achievement and external appearance.
2. Parenting as an insignificant and overlooked role.
3. Ignoring issues like financial insecurity, chronic stress, and loneliness as a root cause of disorders.
4. Urgency: an obsession with being responsive or "on" 24/7.
5. Viewing natural human emotions as a disorder or something to suppress.
6. A fixation on what other people think of us, rather than how we actually feel.
7. Mental health treatments that focus on getting a person to adapt to an unhealthy environment, rather than changing the environment itself.
7. Normalized chronic relationship dysfunction, betrayal, and deception.
8. Systems built around competition, exclusion, and divisiveness.
9. Exhaustion and burnout as something that's normal to get over.
10. Rampant addiction: substances used to numb and dissociate from life as we know it.
@HSimbad Oh Sim… mir fehlen die Worte. Wie sehr habe ich deine Präsenz hier geschätzt. Danke für die virtuelle Freundschaft. Gute Reise, du wunderbare Seele. Es war schön, Teil deines Weges zu sein. ❤️🕯️🫶🏻
In 2017, I knew I was stuck in fawn. It was part of my overall pattern of dissociation. I would zone out and appease everyone around me. My needs didn’t matter. All I cared about was making sure I didn’t create any conflict around me. I just wanted things to be “easy.”
Of course fawning actually makes life much more difficult. For me, it was a response to a chronically ill and emotionally distant mother. I learned to be easy to not cause any more stress or conflict in the home. It helped me to cope growing up. But as I got older, it became destructive.
It was a core reason I stayed in unhealthy or dysfunctional relationships. It stopped me from seeing that my own inability to emotionally connect was creating a lot of my issues. It kept me in cycles where I would neglect my body and use any situation to distract myself.
Getting out of fawn was about establishing pattern breaks. New routines every morning to I could be more in my body. I actually looked at my relationships and realized how I didn’t have any boundaries. So, I started practicing. I started saying “no.” I started placing limits. Without needing to over-explain or to justify myself. It was some of the most difficult work I’ve ever done. And it changed my life.
I still have a deep pleasing tendency. But now I know what is and what isn’t my responsibility. I can be kind to myself when I feel guilty for letting people down. I can take care of myself which allows me to actually be there for others.
Does anyone else resonate with being stuck in fawn?
@Merlin7221 ‚Hilft‘ impliziert ja auch, dass man als Frau die Verantwortung trägt und der Mann je nach Laune, Kapazität oder Auftrag durch die ‚Chefin’ etwas verrichten kann. Und der Mann ist dann ein Held. Hööööör mer uf!! 🤯
Culture romanticizes the "selfless" mother. The idea that a good mother betrays herself. Puts everyone else first & her needs don't matter at all.
Meanwhile mothers are angry, exhausted, and silently suffering under the expectation to do it all.
This isn't surprising. Mothers have needs and were never meant to do it alone.
High cortisol relationships, jobs, and homes environments create sickness.
Maybe it’s not burn out. Maybe it’s our bodies saying enough to environments we aren’t meant to be in.
A behind the scenes look at a truly special week after the tough moment of losing Tina and Snoop.
Not all is bad with the world and humans are incredible 🥰🙏
@sommerimnorden 🤣
Tja, wenn man das Gefühl hat, man kommt zu kurz im Leben oder jemand anders nimmt einem was weg (aka ‚der Staat’ aka ‚die anderen’ aka Glaubenssatz ‚Ich bin nicht gut genug, wie ich bin‘), dann findet man IMMER und ÜBERALL Hinweise darauf…
Heute auf dem Kindergartenweg sagt eine Mutter zur anderen:
„Er hat mich gefragt, ob er helfen soll. Aber weisst du, bis ich ihm erklärt habe, was er alles machen könnte, mach ichs lieber selbst. Geht schneller.“
Und das fasst das Problem mit der Mental Load perfekt zusammen.
@BlisterTorque Geistige Belastung. Alles im Kopf haben, die Organisation im Griff haben, Verantwortung für das Erfüllen der Aufgaben (die oftmals aufeinander aufbauen) haben. Wird oftmals im Zusammenhang mit Elternschaft gebraucht, weil: Schule, Arzttermine, Kleidergrössen, Haushalt, etc.
Kann sie. Und wer weiss: hat sie vielleicht schon oft? Kann ich nicht beurteilen. Aber: anderer Elternteil ist nicht Mitarbeiter. Nix delegieren. Das würde nämlich bedeuten, dass im Haushalt ein Angestellter lebt, dem man Aufgaben geben muss. Das löst das Grundproblem nicht.
Liebe andere, weniger involvierte Elternpersonen, es heisst nicht: „Kann ich helfen?“ Es heisst: „Was kann ich helfen?“ (Übrigens gilt das auch für Not- und jegliche Stresssituationen.)