Freckles and Goldfish

SAHM of too many probably. PhD in sarcasm and laundry. Mommy group drop-out. A little salty. A little boozey. A lot real.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

@MountainDew 154

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

56 @MountainDew

[Christina Crawford (some people call me Maurice) @Xtina_Crawford]

If I needed another reason to dislike Tom Brady, he just gave a guacamole recipe, but recommended that people not eat chips with it on Super Bowl Sunday.

NO ONE NEEDS THAT KIND OF NEGATIVITY IN THEIR LIFE.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

Baked muffins with my kids this morning. No one died. If I'm not being considered for the Sainthood it's bullshit.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

@_goaskyourdad_ It is the way. And probably the way I'm going to remember to bring it to this years games!!

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

January has been the longest year of my life.

[Mommy Needs a Life @momneedsalife3]

I got excited for the weekend, but then I remembered that we’re still in a global pandemic. And I have kids.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

@KaylaChowShow These are fresh balls!

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

If you are doing 40+ correctly, you have zero fucks for whatever anyone else thinks about you. #freedom #zerofucks #fortyplus #beyourself #lifeistooshort

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

@manicpixedreem Legit reason!!

[Mommy Owl @Mommy__Owl]

I feel like there are a lot of first born kids who need to hear this... YOU ARE NOT THE PARENT.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

@Lhlodder Omg, YES!!! Say this weekly!

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

Heard 4 singing Sir Mix-A-Lot from time-out so I let her out for good behavior. @therealmix

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

I see your Lego and raise you a Barbie shoe.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

Is the time between when the oldest leaves for school and when the youngest ones leave supposed to feel like 7 years.
Because it definitely feel like AT LEAST 7 years.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

Me to friend: my youngest is so chill she's rarely in trouble!
My youngest coming around the corner:

[Go Ask Your Dad @_goaskyourdad_]

Cuddle? Oh you mean sticking my cold feet under my hubs while we lay in bed? Yes I love to cuddle!

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

I just went to my pre colonoscopy gastro appt and he didn’t even stick a finger in my butt. I don’t understand. The ear doctor had no problem doing it.

[Freckles and Goldfish @FreckleM]

1am: zzzzz
1:01: (anxiety area of my brain) you know when you die and you're lying in your coffin you won't be able to hide all your chins.
1:08: (creepy area of my brain) maybe I should give each of them a name and have them listed in the pamphlet.