F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition)

I'm just here to make fun of myself.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

I have my whole life ahead of me. Except for that huge chunk that is behind me and that I can never get back no matter what.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

You might be thinking I am too attractive to be a person who talks to himself in public, but you’d be wrong.
I’m not attractive.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@h3xenbrenner2 That’s bad but not as bad as laying down wrong.

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

what about being sucked into a jet engine

[my name is no. @no_my_goodness]

you made me nervous and i loved it

[tori @doritenholm]

Depressed gay porn star called Rock Bottom

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@ModeratelyMused Damn

[moderately amusing gay wolf @ModeratelyMused]

one time a guy broke up with me because i tweeted “you met me at a very chinese time in my life”

he didn’t even have twitter and yes he was chinese

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@bertdernernert The Modern Prometheus

[my name is no. @no_my_goodness]

i smell so good you should be here

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

Unfinished business in Dreamland.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@Spanish_Techno Oh yeah. My superiority complex keeps me out of so much trouble.

[Hannah @Spanish_Techno]

The only thing keeping me from getting addicted to meth is classism

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@zippermouth_ 🔥

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@zippermouth_ 😄

[Functionally Feral @FeralFerrell]

my target audience is depressed avoidant chronically ill nymphomaniacs with narcissistic tendencies and adhd

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@octopuscaveman @thegoodshirts You should make a shirt of this tweet.

[octopus/caveman @octopuscaveman]

Daily reminder that @thegoodshirts will steal your jokes and sell them on shirts

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

I know he’s on here, too.

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

You know that song “If We Were Vampires” by Jason Isbell?
Why did he have to write that?

[F. Scott Fitz Jesse (Johnny Utah edition) @FScottFitzJesse]

@octopuscaveman 😮🫡