Susannah

geeky barber-cosmetologist

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

I’m a blessing in my spouse’s life because I stand outside the closed bathroom door and sing Corey Feldman’s “Comeback King” …unfortunately for my husband, he can’t see my accompanying dance moves.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

@mrsbrittania04 It. Was. Bonkers. Over a pavilion reservation that they were told by the city didn’t exist (and I couldn’t show on my phone because the absolute freak out sent me into a mental tailspin and I couldn’t do anything but freeze and scream to let me have A DANG SECOND.)

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Nothing says Let’s Party! like confrontations with a stranger that lead to a full panic attack and hyperventilation that makes my face and fingers numb and makes me so emotionally dysregulated and dissociated that my entire birthday party feels like I’m in a weird dream.

Yay 🎉

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Was so tired and laid down “for a few minutes”, when I just woke up two hours later I found that my husband had locked the bedroom door so our kids couldn’t come in and wake me.

That is love. ♥️

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

I mean, what use is a family reunion if you don’t take the opportunity to gently confront your elderly great aunt about the half-sister their father (and subsequently their family) abandoned?

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

One month left in my thirties.

Holy crap, that went quickly.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Softly whispered, a seemingly random thought as she’s cuddled up for sleep: “Mom, I am wondering…where is New York? Can us go there together?”

So pardon me as I work my fingers bloody to earn enough money to eventually take my theater-loving 4-year-old daughter to NYC.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

It’s dangerous how easy it is to start a company.
Just got the business name approval from the state, so now I own two companies.
We can’t tell 2 a.m.-Me-with-all-the-big-ideas, or that chick will start registering business names all willy nilly when the whim hits.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

2 years ago tonight I went into ventricular tachycardia alone on my front lawn and my life and my plans haven’t been the same since.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

When she said it hurts but she doesn’t want a doctor, my spouse told my child, “You don’t have an earache and *not* go to the doctor.”
🫠
He is obviously not one of seven kids, like I am.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

I’m a fun mom because I suddenly shriek, “STOP BREATHING ON ME!”

🎵 overstimulated 🎵

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

May I always be as brazen as the man who rang the doorbell during dinner and declared he has “a special deal for people with ‘no soliciting’ signs.”

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Today I applied and scored 100% on the test to become a notary public.

I’m a mediocre colorist, esthetician, barber, nail tech with my cosmetology education, and now on my way to notary. What other no-college-necessary titles should I collect?

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

What is something you’ve enjoyed at a party as an adult?

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

I just kind of want to be like a bay leaf in every recipe — Show up last, not put in a whole lot of work but somehow still make an impact, then bounce before things end.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

I genuinely want to gather every friend I’ve ever had for my 40th birthday party this summer.
I want everyone to have the best night ever, and yet I’m convinced very few people will attend.

The future of my mental health relies on people showing up, haha.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Mid-picnic, my husband tried to shield the kids from panicking, so he spelled out, “There is a B-E-E.”, which just made it sound like he was being ✨extra✨about it and did not shield them at all.

I haven’t stopped giggling about it hours later.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Declared I am an intelligent adult who doesn’t need to be micromanaged.

Soon noticed I left the garage door open and the door unlocked all night. Again.

Can’t tell my husband because I refuse to be humbled, hahaha

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

Every few months a memory sparks on how bad ‘22 was.
Todays: the Dr had said my blood count was so poor that I needed to drive very, very carefully, one bad accident and I’d bleed to death quickly.
Let’s shove that traumatizing thought down with the others for a few more weeks.

[Susannah @fuchsiasushi]

“Oh, it’s only 32 miles away.”
“So like an hour away.”
“A half hour.”
“An hour.”
“Only if we’re going 30 miles an hour…”
“No.”
“Yes?”
“More like an hour.”
“If we are going 30 miles per hour we’ll go 30 miles in an hour, it’s IN THE NAME.”

(I feel like I’m taking crazy pills.)