Fuctoff Engineer

I'm a studio engineer, I've helped sell millions of records, and I get treated like sh*t.

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"Can you make the mix sound more like the demo?" Why don't you use the demo then? "It doesn't sound very good."

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"We can't wait until Tuesday for the mix, we need it Monday morning." Tuesday comes and no downloads on the zip I uploaded on Sunday. FU

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Engineer "For your voice I think we should try the U67 first." Artist "When I went to America this producer had a much bigger mic..."

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Sure I'll mix for you for free, I just need you to pay all my bills this month first...

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"I think you need to re-record your vocals" - "But I recorded them through a Neve!" - "Really, did you stick it up your arse?"

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Artist "Can we see what the vocal stack would be like if we mute those falsettos?" Engineer "Permanent mute?"

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Producer: "Yeah but this guy says he'll mix it and master it in one go." Engineer: "If you say you mix and master you're good at neither!"

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Label Guy: "Well the producer says that he wants to mix the track, and you can just mix the vocals over the top. What do you think?" FU.

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

@mikehctr Wanna buy some beats?

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Producer: "There's no vocal session file (it's not ready mixed)" Engineer: "It's consolidated WAVs, and a rough demo mp3 (pay me to mix it)"

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Mix Engineer: "Your mix parts are digitally clipped, can you reprint them?" Producer: "Digitally clipped? F*ck you, I'm calling the label"

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Artist: "LA was amazing! We went VIP to this club, then the producer calls up his guy at 2am and we went and cut some ideas." YOU DICK!

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

A&R: "So ... will be there to record the vocals at 8pm on Saturday. No messing about, we need everything ready to mix first thing Monday."

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

10:30 Friday night. I wish I was in the studio... Hahahahaha!!!

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

How to prepare your band for the studio? Practice, prepare, learn parts and lyrics... Nah, F that! http://t.co/hdP0BiDSPt

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

Artist Tip: when you turn up hours late to my session, don't bring a stinking take away in with you and then start greasing up my stuff...

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

In Mix Tweak Session: "The mix sounds great, we love it. We just want to add some new sounds. This bass, this drumloop... Oh and the intro."

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"Put instruments as wide as possible and probably a bit more punch in kicks and snares, and whatever you spot." More genius mix direction.

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"Everything should sit pretty much where I want them to in relation to each other, the whole mix just needs space." Wow, you know your shit.

[Fuctoff Engineer @fuctoffengineer]

"It's gone 12am, but I'd rather not give my ears a break. Let's do another 5hrs on this song I've heard 1000 times." said no engineer, ever.