Lita

I'm Lita. I love chaos, writing & winning!

[Lita @funnylita]

@TitusNation @ImprovHouston Come to Myrtle Beach! This place needs some honesty!

[Lita @funnylita]

Early is on time, on time is late when you have a job you hate. #badjobs #cablife

[Lita @funnylita]

@TitusNation Comedy clubs are way safer than schools, thats not a joke its a fact. If @TitusNation has to point that out you're drinking too much damn koolaid to get it.

[Lita @funnylita]

@CCUShuttle I'm really God damn tired of the shuttle blowing past me when I'm clearly walking up from my car in yy lot. Didn't even stop.

[Lita @funnylita]

I've been collecting my flare since I saw the movie in theaters lol! Even have office space flare! #officespace

[Lita @funnylita]

Ugly is looking like you just smelled butt everywhere you go.

[Lita @funnylita]

The only thing worse than a ginger is a fake one full of piercings and drugs and custody of a child. So sad. Someone call cps.

[Lita @funnylita]

@SimpleGirl1985 fyi simple is another word for retard. Stop chasing someone else's happiness with negativity or you will never find your own

[Lita @funnylita]

@SimpleGirl1985 I don't know what your fascination is with my accounts but you're being fucking pathetic. Get a life.

[Lita @funnylita]

"I wanna take my sister and shove 730 apple cores in her ass!" My mom

[Lita @funnylita]

Stuck in line behind some guy buying magnum condoms. Actually thought the thin ones were for "skinnier dicks" wtf. All I wanted was milk!

[Lita @funnylita]

"Wanna go do something? Let's go fisting!" -my MOM.

[Lita @funnylita]

"I've found that I can recycle just about anything, but doo doo." My mom on reusing.

[Lita @funnylita]

Thank you spring, I missed the sounds of daily cat rape. #spring

[Lita @funnylita]

Callary pear trees smell like straight jizz and they're everywhere. I feel like a truckload of semen has been following me around all day.

[Lita @funnylita]

I can't help it but everytime I see glitter I just want to set it free!

[Lita @funnylita]

Taking 72 year old man to strip club. "I found my viagra, it was a sign it's gonna be a good night!"

[Lita @funnylita]

I love when I want to call someone a dick and I draw one on droid swipe keyboard and it gives me "idk" #droid #dick

[Lita @funnylita]

"I gotta get to the bathroom its starting to bubble back there!" #oldpeople