Funny Saying

Funny sayings, quotes, and jokes about everything life has to offer.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field. But when he rounded them up, he had 200. #math

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I had to do it only three times a week. This every-day thing is overkill.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Super Bowl Sunday is always followed by Super Bowel Monday. #SuperBowl

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

War is God’s way of teaching us geography.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Never try to tell everything you know. It may take too short a time.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

There’s no “I” in denial.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

My New Years Resolution? I'll probably keep it at 1280x1024 like always. But thanks for asking.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” - Alcohol

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.
From 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners @ https://t.co/8Ys6nFjiTV

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

I Had Amnesia Once...Or Maybe Twice.
From The Mammoth Book of One-Liners @ https://t.co/BiE8RT4lvy
#giftidea

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

I think a lot of the conflict that happened in the Wild West could’ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet, so we bought a dog. It’s cheaper, and you get more feet. #smrt

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when he fills out a job application form.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Weight Loss Hotline: If you would like to lose half a pound right now, please push "1" 20,000 times - https://t.co/P3ElTG88Ar
#christmasgift

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Red sky at night, shepherd’s delight. Blue sky at night, day. #Wisdom

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

[Funny Saying @funnysaying]

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are. But I laugh more. #relationships