Jared

Here you’ll find, humor(ish), bad music takes, horror movie talk, pro wrestling chat, and politics from someone who hates politics.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Ukoiros @MVScouting Then you don’t know ball at all. Or trolling

[Jared @funyjared]

@7700saint It’s really stupid.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Kambruzz @MVScouting I didn’t say it was impossible just that the game undervalues him.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Hardened_Hermit @elonmusk I didn’t hate it. It wasn’t good but not terrible.

[Jared @funyjared]

@MattGrossenbach @MVScouting But you had the cheat code of Wilt. I’ve seen him win 82 on this game with Tim hardaway as the SG and Monte Ellis as the PG.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Quoto965053 @Bestofsopranos This was pre 9/11 though so the CIA wouldn’t have been working with the FBI and had no ties to organized crime fighting.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Namedropper5000 @LyricWrestling Her getting an automatic title shot wouldn’t have made sense. But her resume is more than enough to enter a tournament for a title shot.

[Mike Beauvais @MikeBeauvais]

82-0 is fun and all, but I have an idea for an NFL version.

[Jared @funyjared]

@Ace109610 This is such a dumb character. I love AEW but they give too much creative freedom to too many guys.

[Jared @funyjared]

@MVScouting

[Jared @funyjared]

@japan_nobunaga “a lesser man would have dropped it”

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In America, a stranger will rename you in a single breath, and you are simply expected to come when called.

I went to eat at a busy restaurant. A young man at the front asked for my name, to mark my place in line. I gave it the weight it has carried for eight hundred years.

"Nobunaga."

He smiled, nodded, and wrote it down with great confidence. Then he read it back to me, to be sure he had honored it correctly.

"Perfect. Banana, party of one."

Banana. He had heard my name, held it a moment, and returned to me something rounder and more cheerful. To refuse the name a host gives is to refuse his welcome. I bowed. I was Banana now.

Then he handed me a small black disc, said it would "light up and buzz" when my table was ready, and turned to the next guest as though he had not just placed a living thing in my hands.

I held it in both palms, the way one holds a small sleeping beast that may wake. I found a place to stand. I waited, ready.

It woke.

It screamed. It flashed red. It leapt and shook in my hands like a captured spirit demanding release. A lesser man would have dropped it. I did not. I gripped it, steady, looked into its blinking lights, and told it, in a low voice, that its time had come. Then I carried it back to the host with both hands, the way one returns a hawk to its master.

He took it without looking and shouted across the entire room.

"BANANA! Party of one, your table's ready!"

A hundred strangers turned. I rose. I crossed that floor as Banana, spine straight, chin level, a man answering to his name. A child pointed at me. I gave the child a small bow. He had recognized me.

All through the meal they kept me. "How's it tasting, Banana?" "More water, Banana?" The check, when it came, said Banana, and thanked me for visiting. By the end the whole staff knew me. They waved as I left. "Night, Banana!"

So tell me honestly.

For eight hundred years my clan answered to one name. Tonight I answered to a fruit, calmed a screaming relic in my bare hands, and ate among people who were glad I came.

When the little disc lights up, is the table truly mine, or am I only keeping it warm for the next Banana?

Because I have already decided to return on Friday, and to ask, very humbly, for the same disc.

[Jared @funyjared]

@nosajesno @Keegan59992745 This is actually accurate because Pete and Westbrook were both suspended for one game by the team for fist fighting each other over the ball.

[Jared @funyjared]

@oscarimoraless @bwags That’s crazy you didn’t get 82-0

[Jared @funyjared]

@caseyshoots That’s why it’s popular. It’s a fun podcast that can get serious when it needs to.

[Zach @jestermaxxing]

Yeah nice story. I know you stole my gumball give it back.