Fetaman

A simple block of cheese walking the fine line of brinesanity, astounded by stupidity and those that practice it. I own my words. Orange grass. *abides*

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

"Misery does not love company 'traditionally'. It yokes, trammels and contains vassalage through deceitful choice masked as emotion." - Gus

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

"Sir what is the practical application of this?" #TheBenEchmeyerTechnique #awesome #FTW

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

The milk, so old it tasted like wet underwear - still licked the fake oats with a disdain reserved for marriage or parking tickets. Never both.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

He did it. After grooming his beard and shouting obscenities at the mirror, he finally subscribed to the Mumford & Sons Hopeless Wanderer video on YouTube.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." Ernest Hemingway

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Better to be busy, than to lose your hands to your ass. #Gus

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

*Friday night*
<sadness was the floor the elevator halted hope at>
Sweet dishes of the week, would you not be here but for the abandon of another YouTube vortex…
*touches the wet sponge*

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Alex: The roof, the roof, the roof is on…
*BUZZER*
Alex: Yes, Feta…
Feta: What is my balls need hydration?
Alex: Correct.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

“I give away money online, poker. I also violently masturbate.”
U: What does violent masturbation look like?
*screams, eyes melt”

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Millions of dollars' worth of Apollo "moon-landing" gear about to be sold. https://t.co/kiJVOuNSNK Oceanfront penthouse for sale in Arizona?

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Marijuana, medical or recreational - dig the gig, enjoy the magic carpet ride. Magical Butter Machine, sweet. #abide https://t.co/Yt4ACF6jS6

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

*phone rings*
Buddy: It’s my wife.
Me: Cool
Buddy: Hello...ok, I’m sorry...
Me: *rides like the wind*

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

"Life is always short if you measure it by boxes of staples used." #fuqtarded

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Got a special peanut from a dark place for the right taker...

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Confucius say: One day, the asshole that taunts a blind man eat Junior hockey knuckles with no salt, no vinegar. #fortunecookie

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

I knew it was near, you can feel the wind rip scarcity from your ignorant brow. Delicious would be the step over another edge. I smiled. So.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Is it desperate to make soup, chalkboard board mason jar lids, and write the names of my Tinder crushes in chalk? Small hearts too much?

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Task Force on Cannabis Legalization "public mid-Dec." https://t.co/B4kuN7pdPJ That long to translate? Political bullshit. #FTM and the cogs.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

This was it. Bad enough to start as a blind date, but to add a razor used to break apart pistachios. It was petty. Cheap. Beneath him. Stop.

[Fetaman @fuqtarded]

Justin was a horror show of a PM, and was known to love selfies so much he had a permanent erection until his plane crash. #trudeaueulogies